We know that you ladies put a lot of time and effort into keeping your nails looking pretty/sexy/totally freaking insane and we’d hate for you to think it goes unnoticed. So, here’s a list of 13 things we appreciate about your nails. Hold your hands out in front of you for a moment, and soak. it. in.
1. We might not notice how pretty your hands are otherwise
2. Because if you can make hardened dead cells on your fingertips sexy, you can probably make anything sexy
3. Like purses and perfume, nails are one of those thing that “ladies” do. (Which reminds us, vaguely, of our very first crushes on ladies who worked at the bank which were the only thing that made running errands with our moms tolerable.)
4. You don’t think we notice or care, so every time we do notice we get to be “Guy who notices and cares,” for a minute
5. Done up nails are just a little bit trashy (which is the perfect amount of trashy)
6. The longer your nails are, the more we think of you clawing the living daylights out of our backs (Y’all know that, right?)
7. Long, done-up nails make a you look kind of mean (which is kind of hot)
8. We can actually tell a lot about you from your nails. (For example, the difference between neatly trimmed nails painted a deep burgundy and a french manicure is VAST, right?)
9. Secretary fantasies. (Sorry. Administrative Assistant fantasies.)
10. The fact that you have claws on your hands reminds us that we’re all actually just animals which justifies our thinking about sex all the time.
11. They are tiny little canvasses for your unique self-expression (Sorry. That was my ponytail talking.)
12. Unlike breasts, butts, lips, hips etc., we don’t actually get why nails are so sexy and it drives us crazy. (I don’t really have a ponytail, you guys. Jeez.)
13. Nails are impressive because how do you tie your shoes/type/hold a pen/do anything with those things. We are humbled into a hushed awe by you, once again.