Butterflies in your stomach are the best part of a first date, but sometimes those butterflies morph into Mothra-sized paranoia. Take me last night, for instance. My head was intellectually telling me I looked totally baller and what guy wouldn’t want to go out on a date with me? My nervous energy was telling me, “You are going to spill your drink in your lap. Because you are a klutz. And then will die alone and be eaten by cats.”
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Sound farfetched? Last week I sprayed perfume in my eye. Yesterday, I somehow spilled waffles and whipped cream on my laptop. (Don’t ask.) These things happen to me. Last night, the running commentary in my head was Don’t be a klutz, don’t be a klutz, don’t be a klutz … and a litany of other things. Here are other silly things girls worry about on a first date…
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- Do I have lipstick on my teeth?
- There will be some kind of “There’s Something About Mary” hair-related mishap.
- What if I run into someone else I used to date on this date?
- Do I have food in my teeth?
- …or a booger hanging out of my nose?
- That there will be tons of awkward pauses in the conversation.
- B.O. … either his or mine.
- What if a tampon falls out of my purse when I’m innocently pulling out my lip gloss?
- That he’ll be offended if I offer to split the bill or he won’t offer to split the bill and the place was kinda expensive.
- That I’ll accidentally rip a fart.
- Oh please don’t let me trip in these heels…
- …and that spit won’t fly out of my mouth when I talk!
- That I’ll get an eyelash underneath my contact lens, and the stinging pain will only cease if I rub it out, thus messing up my meticulously applied eye makeup that I spent 10 minutes doing and giving me an accidental “goth” look of the Taylor Momsen persuasion.