The other day, I wrote a post in which I casually mentioned that the first thing people do when finding out the first and last name of someone they’re dating is look that person up on Facebook.
“That’s crazy,” Scott, my HowAboutWe co-writer told me upon reading the article.
“Not that crazy!” was my defensive response. “Everybody does it!”
“‘The second a girl gets my first and last name she looks me up on Facebook?” He asked skeptically.
Ok, so I guess it sounds a little intense, and Scott’s reaction was a good lesson for me: never confess this to another guy. But I think, at least among my friends, a little Facebook stalking, especially at the beginning (and middle and end) of a relationship is de rigueur.
So when I stumbled upon an AskMen.com article titled “Crazy Things Women Do On Facebook,” my first thought was “Crap, they’re on to us.”
Except, no, of course not. In true AskMen fashion, the article is completely insane.
For the erudition of men everywhere, here is a simple True/False list on what women will and won’t do with Facebook.
1. They Will Look You Up And Pretend They Haven’t: True
If I am interested in someone, I will absolutely look them up on FB the second I get home. No last name? No problem. It’s easy to find someone based on mutual friends, even if I do have to wade through 50 “Chris/Christopher/Christinas” to find the right guy. The next time I meet you I will give no sign of having spent a good 20 minute poring through your pictures.
2. They Will Post Compromising Pictures Of Their Enemies: False
“Another crazy thing women do on Facebook is to put up embarrassing or compromising photos of people that have gotten on her bad side.”
I’m sure psychotic women do this? But, no, not most of us.
3. If Another Girl Writes On A Guy’s Wall, That Girl Will Also Get Stalked: True
“Who is this Jenny character, anyway? Why is she being so flirty? Is she a threat? Let me spend 15 minutes on her FB profile to decide.”
4. They Will Post Strategic Status Updates: True
“Post-breakup, a woman might post status updates that hint at a crazy social life: ‘Melanie is exhausted from a crazy night!’ or ‘Jessica is having a great day,’ are both the types of messages that say a lot more when they come right after a big breakup.”
Ok, usually the status updates are a little less obvious than “Melanie is exhausted from a crazy night!”, but yes, obviously we take advantage of the free advertising that is Facebook Status Updates. That’s just smart. (And it works, because though they might not own up to it, many guys are just as attuned to the details of Facebook as women.)
5. They Will Post Fake Relationships: False
“Some unattached women choose ‘in a relationship’ for their profile just so people won’t start matchmaking or single-girl-pitying.”
No, false. Lots of people will leave the relationship status blank, so their profiles don’t scream SINGLE, but most have far too much dignity to flat out invent one.
6. Post Ambiguous Relationship Photos: Trueish?
Oh my god, this is so embarrassing, I can’t believe this is true for me! But, yes, I have done this. Sort of. In my defense, I didn’t post them because they were ambiguous. Just, while posting them, it did cross my mind that they might be misconstrued. And, having recently gone through a break-up, that made me pretty happy.
7. They Will Continuously Monitor Your Facebook Page: True
If I really like a guy, once is not enough. I will need to check your Facebook page multiple times a week to be kept current of an changes, new status updates, or wall posts.
8. They Will Snoop Through Your Account: ??
Pleading the fifth on this one.
Snooping and reading private messages is an invasion of privacy, a breach of trust, and absolutely never okay.
That having been said, maybe don’t leave your Facebook Page invitingly open on your computer while you take a shower?