Had a Great First Date, But No Follow-Up? It’s Not You — It’s Thisby Your Girl Friday on September 23, 2011
Two weeks ago, I had a really great date. We hung out for hours — first drinks, then dinner nearby. We even went on a walk through the park after dinner and talked about fun things we could do the next time we hung out. Thing is, I haven’t heard from him since. I sent a very casual text, but haven’t heard back. What gives?
– Female, 25
Oh, so you were cold dissed with seemingly no rhyme or reason?
I know this story.
You have a great first date. There’s magic, or at least a PG-13 make out. There are jokes, drinks, plans for future dinners. And then nothing. He’s not even returning your texts.
It’s easy to internalize his rejecting you as a sign of failure, to twist it around and make your date’s lack of interest your fault. But trust me — unless you stole his dog or did a vodka spittake in his face — it’s probably not about you. He’s just got a pre-existing condition.
What’s that? A pre-existing condition just means that there is something–or someone–that’s stopping this guy or girl from truly being ready, willing and able to see you for who you are. It might be that they’re not really over their ex. It may be that they’re too preoccupied with work, or family to give themselves over to new experiences. Perhaps while the date was great, there’s unfinished emotional business going on in other relationships. Or maybe while their head says “relationship,” their libido says “long string of one night stands.”
It’s certainly more likely that something that’s happened in your date’s previous five or ten years of dating history has had way more of an impact on the situation than the three or four hours they spent with you. They certainly don’t know you well enough not to like you. Or to put it another way: They haven’t even spent enough time with you to figure out all of your most annoying qualities!
The best thing you can do when someone’s pre-existing condition gets in the way of your good time? Move on. Post a date, go out with your friends, have some fun. It’s the weekend. If they ever get over it, they’ll get in touch. Until then, don’t let their problems become yours.
“Your Girl Friday” is your reliable source for honest advice. Every Friday, she’ll demystify whatever dating problem is plaguing your love life so you can start the weekend off right. No question is too small, too silly or too weird.