1. So you’re hangin’ at home.
Chillin’ in a wicker basket, as you’re wont to do.
2. And then the person you’re seeing asks you if you want to go to the beach.
Como se what?
3. Now you’re in a predicament.
Your psychic powers tell you how it’s going to go.
4. They think it’s gonna be like this:
*~Fun in the sun~*
5. But you know it’s going to more closely resemble this:
*~Day at the beach~*
6. So today’s the day.
It’s cool. You were born for this.
7. You attempt to slap on some bronzer.
“Medium-dark,” they said. “It’ll look good,” they said.
8. Then you throw on your swimsuit for the first time in a year (or three.)
Still got it!
9. And you embark on your journey.
Hope I don’t get typhoid!
10. Then you get there and some girls are like:
11. But you’re like:
12. Then the screaming babies and mariachi music commence.
13. And some drunk bro kicks sand onto you while diving for a frisbee.
I will cut you and make a frisbee of your skin and ligaments, my friend.
14. You find yourself trying to get in an altercation with a group of teens.
“TURN OFF THAT MUSIC!”
15. But your date tells you to relax and have a drink.
~Vodka soda on ice~
16. Soon you try the water.
17. After a few hours you realize you may have gotten too much sun.
“I think I’ve got a good base!”
18. And exhaustion begins to hit.
19. But then your date suggests tacos.
I love you fried fish taco. I am in love with you.
20. And everything is all right again.
“Let’s move here!” “No.” “Ok!”