Hands-down, the question my female friends ask me most often is “But Brady, why haven’t I heard from him?” I ask “What happened?” and they say, “Nothing! We went out for two weeks and he just dropped off the face of the earth!”
Which is almost never true.
It’s not necessarily your fault, ladies — you probably didn’t do anything wrong. There are just certain triggers (genuine disinterest aside) you might not be aware of. Things that tilt that really-delicate scale to the side of Not Calling. And it is a delicate scale, because I think the majority of the time, unless the person is really unbearable, or the chemistry utterly flat, the decision to continue dating comes down to the really small subconscious-level things. The things that on their own might seem petty, but when extrapolated over the timeline of a potential relationship, suddenly look very scary.
You know the kind of thing I’m talking about if you’ve ever had a guy tell you his mother says hi…on date three.
Here are the top 5 reasons guys stop calling:
1. You said you aren’t looking for something Serious but you really are and he can tell
The dating world is made up of people looking for Serious and people who aren’t, and you have to be honest about which you are! If you’re all “I totally just want something casual” but that’s not exactly true, it’s going to manifest itself in weird ways, and he’ll stop calling because that’s not fair to either of you.
2. The jealous/stalker vibe
Everyone likes a little jealousy, right? But if it’s date two and a girl’s teasing any reference I make to other women in my life (“Just roommates, huh? Joking!”) a red flag pops up. If she suggestively asks about a girl I know because she saw a picture of the girl and me together, and said picture was discovered because she was on my facebook? We’re not making it to date three.
3. There was no chase
I know, it’s trite, it’s straight out of an Aniston flick, but that doesn’t make it untrue. Guys instinctually need mating friction, so if you’re always available and ready to see him, if you’re nodding agreeably at everything he says, indulging him at every laugh line, happily letting his bedroom preferences trump yours — then what the hell is interesting about you?
4. You never paid
Unless you’re going for hedge fund guys, you have to pay sometimes! On the first date/meal/round, the obligatory purse reach is great, but odds are he’s not going to actually let you pay, right? So when the second date comes around, don’t ask to pay, tell him you’re going to pay. It’s not an insignificant gesture; it says you’re ready to handle your half of whatever relationship emerges from those first few dates.
5. You’ve been social network attacking him
Sometimes after a few dates you really like someone and it maybe kinda sorta starts to border on infatuation. (Especially when you have a lazy Sunday afternoon and your thoughts drift, am I right ladies?) Don’t let this seep out by adding him on facebook, following him on twitter, and commenting on his blog that you had no idea he used to live in Barcelona. One of these is fine! Showing interest is great! Just not an avalanche of it, ok? Cause you may as well have told him your Mom says hi.