Advice

Guys: This Is What It Means When She’ll Sleep Over But Won’t Have Sex

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I’ve noticed that some people are finding The Date Report by googling “girl sleeps over but won’t have sex why?”.

Not sure we’ve actually addressed that in previous posts, so, speaking on behalf of womenkind, let me clear a few things up.

Provided she’s sober (and not just crashing on your couch or on top of the covers on your bed before she can drive home), here are a few things co-sleeping can signify:

A) Maybe she’s not that into you…but she’s into you.
If she really didn’t like you, she would be high-tailing it out of there and back to her own bed. Women don’t sleep with guys they don’t like. That having been said, the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex isn’t a great sign, unless…

B) Maybe she’s just not ready.
Not being ready to have sex is a real thing, you know. Even for sexually active adults. Even if you happen to know she slept with the last guy on the first date. Even if she really, really likes you. Even if she does other things. She might just not be ready, for a myriad of reasons, and damnit, you’ve got to respect that. Or…

C) Maybe she really likes you, but doesn’t want to cross the line.
If she has any sort of hesitation about her relationship with you (she suspects it won’t end well, she’s uncomfortable with the fact that you’re co-workers, she’s cheating on someone, etc) she may be purposefully resisting having sex. You can maybe convince yourself that sleeping next to someone is still innocent. Sex, on the other hand, is not.

D) Maybe you’re a really good kisser.
And she knows that once you guys start having sex, these prolonged make-out sessions will become sort of rare. And she’s confident enough that there will be a next time that she doesn’t mind holding off on sex, and building the anticipation a bit. But if you haven’t even kissed yet

E) Maybe you’re her teddy bear.
Does that sound kind of demeaning? Well, it is. If this is a woman with whom you have no pre-established romantic history, in other words, you’ve never been on a date, but you hang out and she consistently ends up platonically sleeping over, she’s using you for all the wrong reasons. She wants to feel less lonely, she wants someone to cuddle with, but she’s obviously not looking for anything romantic. If your feelings for her are less platonic and more…ardent, then stop letting her use you as a body pillow.

UPDATE: A few astute female readers have pointed out yet another reason for not having sex: she might be on her period and feel too awkward to tell you at this point. So. It could be that.

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