“I like you. I think you’re awesome. Who wouldn’t want to be with you?! But…”
We’ve heard them all before. The phrases from that guy we really, really like. The one that starts out sweet and nice and lovely and magical. And then… bam! kapow!… we’re brought down from cloud nine and hit with a hard dose of reality.
Yet still, sometimes instead of just taking these phrases for what they actually mean, we tend to hold fast to whatever fantasy we’ve conjured up in our minds. After all, he’s sweet and nice and lovely and magical and… we’ve already picked out the china patterns (in our minds, of course).
The truth of the matter is that these phrases all boil down to one thing: he’s not really interested in something at least halfway serious with us. (Or not interested enough.) Bummer, I know. But taking them for what they actually mean can save us from a lot of heartache. I mean, haven’t you suffered through enough of those nights where your girlfriends are soothing you — in your drunkenness — while you “cry it out”?
“I’m just trying to have fun right now.”
Why wait it out and “have fun” with just one person for something that may never happen? Unless, of course, you’re just trying to have fun right now too.
“We’re still getting to know each other.”
If you’re still hearing this after a few dates, then dude’s not ready to lock it down with you. You’re too fabulous for this. So take your fabulous self and “get to know” someone else who wouldn’t give you the run-around.
“Sorry I haven’t returned your texts/phone calls/emails for the past three days. I’ve
been hiding under a rock and there’s no cell phone reception or wireless.”
Okay. So he probably won’t include the latter sentence, but the former? Argh! The general rule of thumb for returning your calls should be the length of a workday. Extend it to 24 hours if you believe him to be really busy. After that, he’s just blowing you off. Not. Cool.
And here’s my all-time favorite. Drum roll, please…
“I have too much sh*t going on right now.”
That’s a pretty bullsh*t excuse, no? Alright, fine. Maybe he does have a lot of stuff going on in his life right now. Maybe the timing is a bit off. (I mean, it’s true what they say: the right person at the wrong time = the wrong person.) But guess what? There will always be sh*t going on. It’s called, wait for it… life. You should not have to wait for him to decide you’re important enough to be a part of that “sh*t.” And you have a life too. So keep it moving and start living it.
Alicia Harper, M.A., Ed.M. is a 20something single mother, blogger, and recent graduate of Columbia University turned Mental Health Therapist. Her life is filled with all things pink, except for the one bit of blue – her rambunctious 4-year old son. Together they make a great pair, and Alicia chronicles the trials and triumphs of being a young, single mother living in NYC at Mommy Delicious. Find her on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter.