As Valentine’s Day comes creeping around the corner, the entire male population seems to let out a singular extended sigh of malcontent — but it doesn’t have to be that way. Rather than avoiding or ignoring Valentine’s Day, it’s something that we should embrace. And here’s why:
Sex — probably the only word that guarantees your attention. Durex reports that their sales are up 20 to 30 percent during Valentine’s Day and if you’re not out and about this February 14th, you’re killing your odds of contributing to that boost in prophylactic purchases. Not that I’m saying Valentine’s Day is a cheap excuse for some quick and dirty love-making, I’m just stating the facts.
If you’re like me, you don’t have an endless monetary reservoir to dip into whenever you find yourself going out for a night on the town — maybe you don’t look forward to Valentine’s Day because of the costs associated with it. But if you do a little research (and by “little research” I mean googling “Valentine’s Day Deals”), you can find that plenty of business are more than happy to cut you a financial break in order to guarantee that they provide your V-Day needs. So even if you’re not going out with a girl, go out. Maybe you’ll meet someone else out on the town without a date.
Every year, grocery stores around the country hoard tons of the sweet stuff and, every year in the ensuing days after Valentine’s Day, the excess candy stockpile that they’ve built up needs to be unloaded and is sold at a drastic discount. This price slash is a perfect reason why you should look forward to the holiday this year. Even if you don’t end up going out on a date, the mounds of cheap chocolate and candy are exactly why you should mark your calendars. Who knows, maybe you’ll even find that special someone as you both reach for a 99 cent heart-shaped box of mystery truffles.
Blake Knoblock is a writer and comedian. Follow him on twitter @BigBadBlake.