Have you ever wondered how some men are “naturally good” with women while others can’t even manage to get a phone number? While some of you may think it is all about looks and the size of your wallet, I’m here as a dating coach for straight men to remind you that attraction is not a choice. If it were a logical decision then you would never hear a woman say “I can’t believe I dated that loser!,” abusive relationships wouldn’t exist, and overall, there would be far fewer lonely hearts in this world.
So what is it that women find irresistible about men? Well, a lot of it boils down to a man’s confidence. Remember, confidence is not being able to do something well – it’s being comfortable with what you’re doing. Your sense of self worth should never come from how well you are received by others, but rather, how well you receive yourself. So, how in the world do you become more comfortable with yourself around women?
Well, duh, a surefire way to get better with women is to spend more time around them and to pay attention to their “cues.” I assure you, women are not as complex as they seem. Here are three behaviors you can start incorporating right now, to contribute to your irresistibility factor.
Making small decisions for her
Let me let you in on a little secret. When it comes to dating, women hate being responsible for the outcome of an evening. If we choose a place to eat and it sucks, then we have to carry that responsibility. Even if the decision is as simple as “should we eat at this Italian place or the Spanish place?” or “Do you want to go to another bar?” get in the habit of making these small decisions for her. It’s the risk you have to take when you make a plan and it is also the reason why risk taking is inherently masculine.
Demonstrate some gallantry
Have you ever seen a woman struggling to put something in an overhead bin on an airplane or lugging a suitcase up a flight of subway steps? There is a difference between the guy that says, “let me help you with that” and the guy that asks, “do you need help with that?” I know, I know, it sounds like I’m splitting hairs here, but there actually is a massive difference between these two scenarios. Notice, the first option is authoritative (masculine) while the second option is approval seeking (feminine). The main difference here is doing vs. asking. Not only does ‘doing’ in this case demonstrate gallantry, but also, leadership and confidence. Most men avoid helping women in these kinds of situations because they’ve trained themselves to believe that every time she will say “I don’t need help, thanks”. Yes, if you ask a woman if she needs help, she will probably say no. If you insist on helping her, nine out of 10 times she will let you. In either case, there is never a good reason for a man to be afraid of the word no.
The ability to walk away
Ever walk up to a woman and have her be unreceptive? She’s “polite,” except, she is not into you, at all. She’s talking to you over her shoulder, texting someone while you speak to her, looking up at you every other sentence and non verbally embarrassing you. Yet you still stay in there stumbling for the right thing to say that will make her give you her number. Inevitably, she tells you she has a boyfriend or that she doesn’t want to give you her number because she’s still getting over her ex, or maybe you’re just not her type.It’s been said that in negotiation, the one thing that strengthens your position is the ability to walk away. And guess what? The same basic rule applies for meeting women. Not only does walking away make a man look better to the woman he was talking to, but he also looks better to the entire room rather than looking like the guy that just got rejected. Recognize that there are women everywhere; so if feelings aren’t mutual with one in particular, don’t sweat it. This is one of the few times I will condone the phrase, “it is what it is” because it is exactly that.