I’m sorry if this comes as a shock or sounds judgmental, but – when it comes to dating – women are far pickier than men. This is one of the major reasons many men feel that it’s so hard to meet women. And if you can’t ever seem to get a relationship to romantically evolve, or it’s you’re always getting the “this isn’t working for me” talk, then the common denominator is you. I’m not saying something is wrong with you, but as a dating coach for men, I’ll venture to say that something is probably wrong with your behavior.
Let me be clear, there will always be things about men that annoy women, like lack of emotion, bad communication skills or forgetfulness. But there are these common issues, and then there are deal breakers. By and large, the biggest turn off to women in a man is insecurity. Why? Because it is the direct opposite of confidence, and confidence is sexy. You don’t want to be the opposite of sexy.
Here are three behaviors that demonstrate insecurity that you need to stop doing right now.
Desperation: the world’s worst cologne. If you’re a guy that clings on for dear life when you meet a woman you really like, then this will be a problem. If you display this neediness with every woman you meet this will be an even bigger problem.
No one wants to be smothered in a relationship. Nor does anyone want to be forced into one. Forcing a relationship, rather than leading it or letting it organically grow, will never get you the result you are looking for. Don’t believe me? Picture being on a high diving board of a pool. When you’re about to jump, if you see – or even sense – someone coming up behind you on that board, the instinctive reaction is to brace up and step away from the edge. Even though you were about to jump off, if someone tries to push you, you will push back or get off the board. How does this relate to meeting and dating women? Well, what desperation does to a relationship or a potential relationship feels the same way. No one wants to be pushed into a relationship. It’s much more comfortable to take the plunge when you feel ready. So if you feel like “I do all these great things for her, why doesn’t she like me?” then that is your problem. How you feel is your business. And the obvious need to be liked or accepted is repellant to women.
So chill out. There is a balance that needs to be met. Act too desperate and she’ll flee. Act too aloof and you’ll let her slip through your fingers. Find the balance.
It’s one thing to be conservative with your money, but it’s another thing to be cheap. Being cheap is usually more about you than your money. I’m by no means saying you need to impress women with money – that will only attract gold diggers. However, being cheap is similar to having a lack of hygiene – it shows you can’t take care of yourself. How someone chooses to spend (or not spend) their money tells a story of what they value, but the biggest problem with being cheap is that it almost always carries with it complaint. And every complaint obscures what was good or even great about the way that money was spent. You must have enjoyed something about the way you were spending your money, or you wouldn’t have spent it. Focus on the positive.
Dinner was too expensive? But you were in excellent company.
You just dropped how much on a train ticket? But you really wanted to see that girl.
That cab fare cost what? But it got you home faster than the train.
When you seem overly obsessed with money, it directly tells a woman that money is a problem for you: your ability to make it, your ability to manage it, your ability to save it. This is uncomfortable. No woman wants to feel like you’re not enjoying your time with her because you’re concerned about the money you had to spend. Women are more than happy to spend money or chip in if it means spending time with the guy they like, but no one enjoys being made to feel like a drain on someone’s finances. Let her feel good about seeing you, rather than guilty.
So what’s the solution? Stop talking about it. Whether you have money or not, have a quiet confidence in what you can provide. More importantly, if you can’t afford something, then don’t buy it. Definitely don’t buy it then complain about it. Focus on and enjoy what you can spend rather than what you can’t spend.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: worry is the worst emotion. A teacher of mine once said “the mind is a terrible thing” and he couldn’t have been more right when it comes to over thinking and worrying. It accomplishes nothing other than putting a pit in your stomach and wasting time you’ll never get back. It’s also coded as feminine – worrying is what a mother does.
Whether you’re worrying about the future or thinking that you’re not good enough, this useless emotion also leads to distrust, and worse, to creating false scenarios in your head. That’s the interesting thing about worry – once you open your mouth and put the idea into the world (“Are you seeing other guys?” “I feel like I’m not enough for you”) you put an idea in a woman’s head that wasn’t there before, and you’ve increased the likelihood of making it true. So shut up! It’s all about the power of positive thinking. If you believe that a situation is in your favor, it is, and if it isn’t, worrying won’t fix it. Worry doesn’t affect anything except the person worrying, so cut it out.