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6 Tips for Dating an Extrovert

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o-EXTROVERTS-BRAIN-facebookExtroverts are so attractive, aren’t they? Drawing energy toward themselves and radiating it right back outward, they easily get lots of admirers. If you’ve recently fallen into the orbit of a charming extrovert, you’re probably thrilled and exhausted by your new love. But don’t worry too much about keeping up…you don’t have to.

“The key is to understand the aspects of how an introvert with extrovert combination is a complementary relationship,” says Bill Farr, relationship and wellness coach and author of The Power of Personality Types in Love and Relationships. “Have the awareness to appreciate that. Understanding what keeps the flow in the relationship will allow more harmony.” There is a reason, in other words, that opposites attract, especially when it comes to introverts and extroverts.

Read on for some savvy advice about how to balance out your charismatic counterpart…

1. Prepare to fall in love again and again.

“Your extroverted love can be a bit of a social butterfly so they will have many, many friends and associates to introduce you to,” says blogger Te-Erika Patterson. “Because they are energized by socializing, they will adore you if you enjoy hanging out with their friends as well. If you are going to fall in love with them, you’ll have to fall in love with their friends too.” Indeed, double dates are a good idea if you’re dating an extrovert, suggests Stef Safran, a matchmaker and dating expert in Chicago: “Pair up with friends and go out on a group date so that you know you will have someone to talk to if your extroverted partner starts socializing with someone else.”

2. Don’t lose yourself in their world completely.

“It’s usually pretty easy to be around an extrovert if you’re not one,” says dating expert Gina Stewart. “They are great at making conversations and making things happen, so be ready to go along for the ride. Don’t lose yourself in them, though. Make sure you assert your opinions and challenge them on things.” Keira Rossi, author of the upcoming self-help book Uncovering the Woman’s Power: How to Bring out the Best in Men and Build Healthy Relationships, agrees. “Fulfill your life: pursue your goals and dreams, have fun with friends and family, take care of your appearance, volunteer helping a good cause, practice a spiritual activity, etc. Otherwise, you may feel left behind or insecure. When you feel satisfied with your life, you are a lot more confident, and it is easier for you to enjoy activities with an extroverted person.”

It might sound counterintuitive if your extrovert tends to bask in the glow of the crowd, but even outgoing folks need quieter, meaningful conversations.

3. Feature your extrovert.

“On social media networks, extroverts are actively posting pictures and status updates to share their exciting lives with the world,” says Patterson. “Mention them on twitter as much as possible. Tag them on Facebook and share their posts on Google Plus. Not only will these features boost your extrovert’s ego, it will introduce them to more people that they can entertain and engage with.”

4. Surprise them.

“Take some initiative in planning dates so we don’t have to all the time,” says Laura Malischke, a freelance photographer in Madison, Wisconsin. “Get creative. Do something new.” It can be nice to give your extrovert a break once in a while, especially if he or she is used to being the driving force in your social life. Remember, extroverts are people, too…and they’ll enjoy it if you step out of your comfort zone to shake it up from time to time.

5. Tune up your listening skills.

“Reflect back by saying out loud what you just heard your partner say,” says Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent. “This will reassure him as well as acknowledge, validate, and give him the feeling that he is accepted—flaws and all.” It might sound counterintuitive if your extrovert tends to bask in the glow of the crowd, but even outgoing folks need quieter, meaningful conversations. Give them a place where they get a break from being “on.”

6. Accept your extrovert’s true nature.

“An introvert can do extroverted things and an extrovert can do introverted things but that doesn’t change their basic nature,” says Lesli M. W. Doares, LMFT, a marriage coach and author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage: How to Create Your Happily Ever After With More Intention, Less Work. “Finding common ground in this, like many other issues, is what makes for a healthy relationship. You can be really attracted to someone with the opposite trait and that might work really well for the short term. Unfortunately, without an agreed upon plan, those same differences can cause real problems down the line. Accepting who you are and being accepted by your partner are critical for a long lasting relationship.

Laura Schaefer is the author of Why We Fall Out of Love. Follow her on Twitter: @teashopgirl.

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