It’s the worst. You’re on a date. You’re having a cool time with someone. Good conversation. You’re both laughing a lot. There’s chemistry, you know? One of you gets that look in your eye and the other says “Do you wanna get out of here?” And you do.
The sex that follows is so inexplicably bad that you’d have been better off watching clown porn by yourself.
What the hell happened? Who knows, but it’s pretty much turned you off completely from the idea of another date with a person that you otherwise really get along with. Should you nip this obviously doomed relationship in it’s awkward little bud or should you chalk it up to a case of ol’ first-time jitters and hope the sex gets less terrible as you get to know each other?
Well, if you like the person (despite the teeth bumping and the forced dirty talk), it’s at least worth a second go at bumpin’ uglies (except don’t call it that ever).
Here are a few tips to maximize your chances of taking it from Meh to Mind-blowing (I was gonna say “Awk-ward” to “Rock Hard.” Is that one better?):
1. Think about them. You know. When you’re alone.
Seriously. If you can get off by thinking about a person when they’re not there, you’ll have a WAY easier time when they are. Plus, it’s likely to give you a few ideas of things to try for next time.
2. Maybe don’t get so drunk?
Wasted sex is almost never that good. (It’s tragically ironic, isn’t it?) If you guys were all stumbly the first time, that could have been the whole problem. Two drink limit next time for you.
3. Hold off on the freaky stuff.
Kinky sex is a lot more commonplace than back when our parents were babymakin’ in Studebakers. But that doesn’t mean it has to be all booty-smackin’ and name calling all the time. It’s generally better to wait on that stuff until you have a sense of what the other person’s into. In other words…
4. Take it SLOW.
Make out for awhile. Restrain yourself. Tease each other. The longer it takes to get there, and the crazier you get driven along the way, the better your chances for buckwild animal love-making.
5. Try not to take it so seriously.
Do you talk to your friends about your sex life? Are you laughing hysterically half the time? No? Then you’re doing it wrong. At the end of the day, sex is weird and hilarious and everybody knows it. Make sure to keep your sense of humor intact. Nothing ruins sex like pressure, right?