Advice

75 Percent Of Men Are Lying About Not Watching Internet Porn

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A recently released survey investigating how Americans interact with video online reported that only 25 percent of American men watch porn online. Ell Oh Ell, as the kids say. Good one. In the interest of science, I conducted a quick survey of my own, asking ten American males on GChat if they themselves watched porn online. The best responses:

“Are you really asking me that? I’m an American man with a fast internet connection.”

“Where else would I watch porn?”

“I dunno, I kind of hate the way porn stars look like strange caricatures of human beings and they’re not very good actors. But sometimes ya just gotta look at a huge pair of breasts.”

“25 percent of 12 year olds, maybe.”

“I’ll just point out that in the next two minutes I could conceivably view more naked flesh than my great-grandparents and everyone they ever knew or interacted with or just saw in passing on the street could’ve plausibly seen in their entire lives. Combined.”

So, broken down: today I learned, to no one’s surprise, that 100 percent of my male friends surveyed have at some point watched porn online. 40 percent of them expressed that they watch less porn now than they once did, due to various factors, or that they watch porn infrequently. Roughly 50 percent expressed that I was ridiculous for even asking the question.

I also learned that I actually don’t have all that many friends who I can IM about porn in the middle of the workday, which is probably not such a bad thing. But at least all of my friends and I are being a lot more honest about our porn consumption than the yahoos in this study.

Image via Veer

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