Man, people who talk about working out are so annoying, right? Like, shut up already. It sounds braggy and nobody cares. But can we talk about, for just a few minutes, how working out can help you in love? Then I will shut up about fitness forever.
I have purposely not mentioned the following in my list: “you’ll be in better shape!”, “you’ll be more likely to survive a zombie apocalypse!”, “you’ll be more disciplined!” and “you’ll meet more people!” because those reasons are terribly obvious. ‘Nuff said. So that boring shit aside, here’s why that time you’re logging at the gym isn’t just good for your ass, it’s good for your love life, too.
You can keep up with your date.
In bed. But also? On crazy dates. If you are in shape, you can go on a rock climbing date, on an obstacle course date, and you can kick around a soccer ball when you’re hanging out at the park. Hell, you could go out with Indiana Freaking Jones. And who wouldn’t want to do that? (I’m talking to you, heterosexual men.) Sure, you can do these things anyway, but if you’re not in shape these activities could cause some serious anxiety.
You can run away from your date.
Hey, if it’s not going well, you want to be able to split faster than your date can say, “would you like to make whoopie with me?” Running away from your date is rude, but so is leading people on or telling them you’ll call when you won’t, and we do that all the time. Why not just run away? Also, running away from your date could save your life if your date bursts into flames or tries to attack you. It happens, okay?
You’ll Be More Confident
Listen, just because you go to the gym doesn’t make you a total hottie, and just because you don’t go to the gym doesn’t mean you’re not a hottie. Sometimes I think my workouts are completely futile. Sometimes I waste too much time walking around listening to Usher songs. Sometimes I fall asleep on the crunches mat. Sometimes I spend 99% of my “workout” time in the steam room. The thing is, going to the gym makes you feel hotter and more capable of taking on the world. Post-workout, I think, “I went to the gym today! I’m going to go put on a mini skirt!” Plus, when I work out in the mornings I feel like I could kick the world’s ass if I wanted. I feel like someone who has their shit together, even when I’m not. I think, “The time is 8 AM and I have broken a sweat and put some miles on my running shoes. It’s going to be a good day. Bring it on.”
You’ll Live Longer
Probably. Unless you fall asleep on a treadmill that is stationed in front of a pool of great white sharks, or you get caught in the stationary bicycle. So that is just more time for you on this sweet, sweet earth to pick up mad dudes and chicks. If you’re a healthy person, it ain’t no thing if you’re still single when you’re 95. You’re in your prime at 95.
Your Immune System Will Rock
It’s been proven that exercise can boost your immune system, and I can think of about 80-dozen things less sexy than phlegm. Whenever I’m sick, I think, “I might as well not even leave my apartment today, I can’t make out with anyone. What’s the point?” You will score way more honeys if you have your voice, won’t cough in their faces, and have a healthy average body temperature of 98.6-ish. In high school I made out with my crush when I (unbeknownst to me) had mono and he never forgave me. Plus, if you are always sick and don’t feel like going out, you never will.
Regular exercise can boost your sexual drive, boost your sexy time, and boost your sexual satisfaction. So if you don’t like the rowing machine, rename it the sexy machine. And with each pull, tell yourself, “SEX GOD IN T MINUS 15 MINUTES.”
You could have an orgasm at the gym.
Seriously. A recent study shows that women often experience “coregasms”, experiencing orgasms while doing abdominal workouts, climbing, spinning and weightlifting. (I recommend the “Captain’s Chair.”) And if orgasming doesn’t make you better at orgasming and wanting to orgasm more, than I don’t know what does.
One day, maybe, just maybe, you could be one of those people who runs around with their shirts off.
It has been a dream of mine to be one of those people who could run around the park in a sports bra. This isn’t even just a goal about my physical appearance, it is a goal about my attitude. I want to be that bold, confident person who can pull that off. (And I’m sure there are even guys who are shy about ripping off their shirts at the park.) But looking hot without a shirt on can certainly be motivation, too. Even when I, a woman who is generally only attracted to dudes, sees a fit woman running around in a sports bra, I think “hot damn!” I am not sure if it’s because I am attracted to her or I just want to be her, but either way, I, in my circa 1994 Tinker Bell t-shirt with holes in the arm pits, am turned on. We can all dream, can’t we?
If you are in the market for a good workout, why not this awesome Jane Fonda “workout” from the 80’s that my mom used to watch on VHS? I mean, what else are you doing right now?