Advice

All the Breast Milk for Sale Online Is Totally Gross

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Baby feeding

Guys, don’t buy breast milk on the internet. (Actually, this goes for girls too.) Apparently it’s unsafe to buy bodily fluids from strangers on the internet, which comes as a great surprise to no one.

Many parents want to breastfeed but can’t for any number of reasons. It makes sense that a parent who can’t suckle their young but doesn’t want to use synthetic formula-would try to find authentic breast milk elsewhere. In a recent study for the journal of pediatrics, 75 percent of milk sampled from a popular breast milk hocking website was tainted with potential baby-sickening bacteria. The random lactation you stumble upon online should not be confused with the milk from breast milk banks, which are typically run out of a hospital where there is a strict screening regiment and a policy to pasteurize all breast milk. Surprise, the hospital milk is way better than some stuff that is shipped to you from some shady dealer who you never met!

There is a lot about this that’s weird. First of all, unless you’re having groceries delivered, would you ever buy cow’s milk online? What makes anyone think that the internet is an appropriate place to buy human milk? People trying to have babies are sometimes in the market for semen, but surely we know that buying that online is a terrible idea. Right? Well, maybe not.

Here is a public safety announcement: assume until proven otherwise that things that come out of people’s bodies are not safe to purchase online. Internet shopping is convenient, but this is way worse than that horrible scarf you bought on Etsy. Well, almost as bad.

Image via Veer

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