Advice

An Etiquette Guide to Remote-Control Sex Toys

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Teledildonics — sex toys that can be controlled via the Internet — have been around since the ’80s (though, in their multiple iterations, they never quite caught on…imagine a mechanical dildo plugged into your computer). Recently, however, advances in tech have given us plenty of opportunity to take the category much, much further.

Enter Durex’s new Funderwear, remote control undies that can be activated via a smartphone app. Their similarity to other remote control vibrators on the market (all of which have a much shorter remote range) make them a viable, best-of-both-worlds option for those looking to play around with new forms of cybersex and long-distance lovin’.

Remote control vibes can definitely be fun for couples. They can be the perfect way to spice up a sex life that’s become routine. They can be an ideal, lower-risk way to play around with exhibitionism. And, in the case of Funderwear, they can change the way you engage in long-distance cybersex.

But there are other considerations as well. After all, there can be too much of a good thing. Also, if you take your toys out in public (which many of these new products are designed to facilitate) what about the people around you? While the thrill of possibly getting caught is great, the person who catches you may be less than thrilled. PDA on that level is not for everyone.*

Here’s your etiquette guide for remote-control sex toys.

1. Set some ground rules. If you were about to engage in BDSM, you would set rules. If you were about to bring your monogamous life partner to a sex party, you would set rules. If you were thinking of trying a threesome, you would set rules. Playing with sex toys may seem less complicated, but when it comes to bringing your sex play to a public place, you should discuss certain things, like times when it is NOT okay to remotely activate your chica’s clitoris. (Business meetings. Church. The opera. Etc.)

2. Come up with a safe word. As an extension of the tip above, decide upon a safe word the pleasure-receiver can use (either in person or via text) if he or she is suddenly in a less-than-ideal environment for orgasms, if the constant vibrations become too damn much, or if the world implodes.

3. Choose your milieu carefully. Have you ever seen The Ugly Truth? I haven’t seen the whole thing (few people have), but I’ve seen clips, including the one scene that everyone seems to have watched where Katherine Heigl is brought to orgasm at the dinner table…in a fancy restaurant, surrounded by her colleagues. BAD idea. In addition to appropriateness levels, one should also consider factors like background noise, especially considering how loud some of these vibes can be. I mean, I get it. The public place is part of the fun. But you have to consider the feelings of the people around you, no matter how sexy the whole experience is. You have to be discreet. Period.

4. Don’t jump the gun. Tell your partner — the one handling the remote — to surprise you. It’s much more fun to be surprised by the stimulation timing and strength of the vibrations. Challenge your partner to bring you to the brink of orgasm again and again…and then pull back. If you have a visual on each other, the partner with the remote can use this as an opportunity to learn more about the physical signs of your arousal: heavy breathing, flushed cheeks, erect nipples. You don’t want the excitement to end too soon!

5. Don’t be greedy. Most remote control sex toys are designed for a woman’s pleasure. But Funderwear has underwear sets for women and men. So you can take turns. Besides, you may find you like taking control, you dirty dominatrix, you.**

*I once watched a couple dry hump at a bar for at least 45 minutes. Get a room! (Or go to a sex party!)

** We can talk about blindfolds and riding crops another time.

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