Advice

Bad Dating Habit: Letting Pet Peeves Be a Dealbreaker

Pin it

More relationship wisdom from NYC blogger Joanna Goddard: yesterday, a reader asked her if she ever got annoyed by her husband. Joanna said, yes! Duh. He sneezes loudly and takes forever to get through airport security. (Omg, that would bug me, btw.)

BUT, Joanna, in her infinite wisdom, pointed out that it’s actually okay to be annoyed by your partner. Just like you were sometimes annoyed by your mom growing up, or by your favorite college roommate, or even by your beloved coworkers. People who spend a lot of time together are just bound to sometimes get on each other’s nerves, and the sooner you can sort of relax and be cool with that, the sooner you’ll be able to really settle into a long-term relationship.

Joanna’s husband, Alex, also had this to add:

“Young people in relationships tend to give negative things too much weight and underrate the positives. Negatives often get three times the weight of positives. But look at married couples in their eighties. Their little annoyances are often all they talk and joke about. “Oh, Miriam always says this…” “Oh, Herb always does that…” The little annoyances are acknowledged, accepted and part of the fabric of their relationship. They try act like they’re driving each other crazy but they really can’t live with out each other. Annoyances aren’t a deal killer. They’re a natural part of a long, happy marriage.”

I think I’m definitely guilty of letting annoying things instantly act as dealbreakers, especially on first dates. So it’s nice to keep in mind that no matter who you end up with, something will end up annoying you about them. And if you’re gonna be annoyed at something, then is loud sneezing really that much worse than anything else?

[Cup of Jo: What annoys you about your significant other?]

chiara_header