5 Things To Do When Your BFF Flirts With Your BF

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My best friend flirts a lot with my boyfriend. It is really annoying and I wonder what she is up to. I’ve been in my relationship for about eight months and have tried to just ignore her behavior, but it is starting to really bother me. What is your advice for dealing with this situation?

Flirting can naturally occur as people get to know each other and comfort levels increase. So, in some respect it is expected and unavoidable. Flirting can be innocent and doesn’t necessarily lead to cheating, or anything even close. However, sometimes flirting can be dangerous and be the gateway to much more explicit sexual behavior. The fact that it bothers you means it is worth exploring now here’s what to do:

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Define flirting.

Friendliness is often confused for flirting. Flirting generally has some sort of underlying sexual element to it expressed via verbal or written communication or through body language. This is usually subtle or indirect.


Ask Yourself: Is your boyfriend encouraging the flirty behavior?

If so, talk to him. Be specific when talking about it. For example, “I notice you flex your biceps around my friend a lot but never around others”. If it is deliberate, then there might be a larger issue that needs to be addressed.



Ask Yourself: Does your friend act this way around other guys or just your boyfriend?

If she is like this around others, then know that it’s her normal behavior and is probably innocent.


If you talk to your friend about her flirting make sure you are direct, specific, and leave the insults out of the conversation.

Focus on the behavior and how you feel. For example, you might say something like this: “Sometimes I feel uncomfortable when I see you bending over to pick something up in front of my boyfriend and then winking at him”.



Consider enlisting the help of your boyfriend.

If he agrees that there is indeed flirting, then he can be the one to talk to her and let her know he doesn’t feel comfortable.

Jonathan Alpert is a Manhattan psychotherapist and author.  He appears on national TV commenting on sex and relationship issues as well as lifestyle, mental health, and hot-button issues. Get more of Jonathan’s great advice in his new book, Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days. And you can follow Jonathan on Twitter at @JonathanAlpert and on Facebook at, and visit his website at