6 Things Not To Do On A Date With An Asian Girl (That People Have Actually Done To Me)

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The term “Asian” encompasses a wide range of ethnicities and cultural differences, which makes it pretty difficult to address numerous races under an umbrella term without offending one person or another. So I’m only going to write from my point of view — a 28-year-old Chinese Canadian (yeah, that’s right, I’m not even from your country), living and dating in NYC.

Even though I was born in China, and have been Asian practically all my life (oh look, a joke!), I was still hesitant about how to broach this subject. Some of the behavior I have encountered has been so distasteful that I’ve been shocked as it was happening. I assumed we would all know better by now than to draw outrageous stereotypes or make racist statements, but I’ve been proven wrong many times. I’ve been bowed to on a date and people have commented on the flatness of my face. (Don’t talk about my flat face. I didn’t mention your tiny penis. But then again, I have manners. Is that an Asian thing?) And it’s safe to say I can smell an Asian fetish from a mile away.

Listen. We should all have manners on a first date, no matter who we’re going out with. But if you want to seem on top of things on a date with an Asian girl, please avoid doing these things. (Things that, believe it or not, have actually happened to me.)

Plus: The 16 Most Racist Things In This Comprehensive Guide To Dating Asians


Try To Guess Her Ethnicity, And Then Do A Fist Pump When You Get It Right.

This will make her think that dating Asians is a thing (read: fetish) for you. I would rather be treated as an individual –- not just another Asian fish in the Yellow Sea.


Ask Her What Her Real Name Is.

I do have a Chinese name, but that doesn’t mean every single Asian person does. She could be generations removed and her “Western” name is her real name.

Plus: 36 Reasons She Didn’t Hook Up With You Again, As Told By 36 Real Women


Bow To Her.

I think this one doesn’t require an explanation, but I will add that bowing three times is also a real no-no. (True story.)


Give Her A Distasteful Compliment

Telling her she’s “____ (pretty, athletic, a good drinker…) for an Asian” isn’t actually a compliment.


Run Your Fingers Through Her Hair.

This happens to me more than you’d think. Since when is straight, black hair a novelty that you’re free to manhandle?

Plus: How interracial Breakups Are Different


Tell Her That You Really, REALLY Like Asian Girls.

That’s nice. Maybe she likes chocolate. But I bet she doesn’t like you.

Here’s what you should do: treat Asians as  individuals. You’ll probably like the real thing more than the stereotype.