March 2nd is Dr. Seuss’s birthday, also known as Read Across America Day. Sounds like a great time to introduce yourself to a fellow book lover with one of these pickup lines!
Of all the beaches and all the bars,
We’ve met here — two Sneetches — with stars upon thars.
Have you tried this new drink? You know that you should. It has both parts fizzhoofink, and both parts are good.
Your eyes are like wumbus,
Your hair is like jertain.
Your zumers look murky-mooshy,
But I’d like to be certain.
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
But it’s what’s in your pants
That I’d like to choose.
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots! Just kidding. That’s from The Grinch. Wanna go out?
It’s too cold to go out.
It’s too wet to play ball.
So let’s sit in this bar,
And do nothing at all.
Young lady, young miss, young Cindy Lou Who? Would you be fillhoolupped if I talked to you?
I regret to inform you, my heart is two sizes too small. But what I lack in heart, I make up for in gall.
So come with me, lovely duzzler, though I may be a Grinch. I’ll impress you a mile, if you give me an inch.
All the Whos down in Whoville,
With jintinglers and gardoombas,
Have nothing on you dear and your set of bazoombas.
My tricks are not bad.
Why, we can have lots of good fun if you wish!
Here’s a fun little game called,
Drink, drink, drink like a fish!
I’ve danced with Thing 1, and held hands with Thing 2.
But not a creature in Whoville compares to you.
Would you like to stop right here?
Would you like to get a beer?
Would you like to pay the tab?
Would you like to grab a cab?
Would you like to see my house?
Would you like to unbutton my blouse?
Would you like to grazzle my flam?
And in the morning, green eggs and ham!
Not one fish or blue fish
Nor a Grinch and a Lorax
Served all on a green dish
From cats wearing hats
could ever compare to the places I go
When hearing you speak in voices so low
I dream of great Snorses gallumphing through Greenland
Or bright feathered farces flying through Freeland
I’m a doctor you know, but my cures are no use,
Against all of your charms, Hi my name is Suess.
I said what I meant, I meant what I said,
I’m hung like an elephant,
Just bring me to bed.
Updated February 2014; originally published February 2012.