Food for Thought

Everything You Need to Know about Dating a Comedian

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You were drawn to them instantly. They possessed a charm and confidence that attracted you in the first place, and had you laughing all night long. Chances are high they looked extremely good in skinny jeans and were wearing some kind of plaid. Anyway, before you could say, “He’s a catch, am I right, ladies?” you found yourself head over heels in love with a comedian of some kind. Improv, sketch, stand up, clown — they’re all different mediums and attract different types of people, but there are a few universal truths you can expect to discover once you fall for someone who makes you (and others) laugh for a living. First, the bad news.

Your parents will not be psyched.

“Mom, Dad, I’m dating a comedian,” ranks somewhere between “serial killer” and “mime artist” on a list of parent’s Nightmare Scenarios. Why do you think there are so many hack mother-in-law jokes? Things will probably calm down once mom and dad meet your kind and charming laugh maker, but try not to put too much weight into their opinion anyway. Your bae is doing what they love, and I don’t just mean you (feel free to use that with your comedy bf/gf, they will hate it)!

Groupies are real.

679px-Dane_CookGross news: you do not have to be a famous comedian to have a weird line up of confused young women trying to blow their way into your heart! If your partner is male, there will be a lot of them. They are called “chuckle fuckers.” It is a real thing. They will be younger than you and probably taking improv classes of some kind. They do not care about your relationship and probably think you’re sad. Try not to worry about it. Eventually they will find someone else to lurk boobily near by the bar. If your partner is female, don’t even worry about it. Female comics rarely get properly hit on after shows. It’s very unfair.

There’s gonna be some baggage.

Comedians and shaky mental health go together like comedians and late nights, too much beer, and a generally unhealthy lifestyle that can over time contribute to shaky mental health. While they’re outgoing and fun in crowds or onstage, there might be a big difference from the guy or gal you saw tearing it up for the audience and the one tearing themselves apart after a bad set. Someone who can handle the spotlight is not necessarily always someone who is wildly extroverted, and comedians can be fiercely private and occasionally misanthropic. Just saying.

Sometimes they will be ‘on,’ and it will be a lot.

Are they talking to you about their day or are they testing out new material? Did they really just do their dentist bit on your grandma instead of asking her how she’s feeling post-surgery? Comedians gotta test their material, and while this usually happens on stage, it can bleed into their everyday lives, especially in situations where they feel pressure to perform, ie. in front of crowds, meeting your parents, at parties. Once a roll, there is almost no stopping them, especially if the response is good, but really either way.

Aziz08They will be very popular at parties.

This is the bright side of standing next to a comedian. The life of the party, comedians spend their workdays in bars, have to network for more gigs, and know how to work a room professionally. People like laughing, so they like being around comedians. And I’m sorry, it’s not that your job is boring, but as soon as your partner’s job is revealed, people will want to talk to them about it. This is as annoying for them as it is for you, use it to bond later.

If they are good, it’s fun to be dating someone who’s publicly great at their job

Don’t let yourself get pushed aside in a group with significant others like the wives’ section of a hockey game. If you’re cool enough to date this person and support them by coming to their shows, they and their comedy mates can be cool enough to hang out with you afterwards. Get the right group of comedians together on the right night and there’s a very real possibility you’ll have the best night out of your year.

They will appreciate you as someone they can be themselves around.

Comedians read people and share observations about human nature for a living (or for fun while they wait tables, but whatever), so they’re good communicators. But they’re not used to being taken particularly seriously, and they’re used to pulling more than their share of the conversational weight. As someone whose wit and intellect they respect, but who can also handle their “sensitive” (read: dark ‘n’ stormy, occasionally egotistical, like really very sensitive) side, you’re in a really unique position, and you’ll probably have their heart as long as you want it.

Your break up will absolutely be fodder for their first full-length solo show. 

Be prepared.