Are red flags a surefire indication of incompatibility, or are we focusing so much on the little things that we deny ourselves the possibility of a real connection? In the world of Internet dating, it’s easy to get picky; but hidden within a “red flag” might be an awesome person worth getting to know. Here are five red flags that might not be that bad:
Having to meet the parents on a third date is never ideal. But spending time at home can be a smart and strategic short-term plan. Did he just graduate from school? Is she doing it to save money for opening a start-up? As long as they’re working towards a greater goal, living at home may not be such a red flag after all.
His yawn is irritating. She chews her food funny. There are so many nit-picky excuses we can make as to why we shouldn’t date somebody. If you’ve ever said anything like, “she laughs too loudly” you probably need to reassess what you want in a relationship.
If they have drive and ambition, and the payoff isn’t there yet, you should still be a supportive partner and not use their lack of a nest egg as an immediate write-off. While financial security is important, it is also something that you can eventually build together.
My college roommate was the granddaughter of a former democratic Governor. Her grandfather ran for President in the 1990s and was known for his far left beliefs. Although she inherited his liberal mindset, she dated a Republican for over a year. Did it work out? No. But she learned a lot from the relationship and they challenged each other in impressive ways. If you don’t buy that, look at James Carville and Mary Matalin: these two political strategists, working for different parties, have been married since 1993.
She has a lower back tattoo. He has the word “mom” artistically scripted inside a heart. Sure, these both seem very unappealing to me. But unlike tattoos, people change. Somebody who got a tramp stamp at 17 might be a totally different person at 28. Believe it or not, a guy with a weird mom tattoo might have a million other amazing qualities that can make us way happier than another non-tattooed guy. So go ahead and schedule a second date, and maybe just hide the tattoo from your parents the first time they meet.
Alison Griffin Vingiano is a Brooklyn based writer and performer. She encourages you to be her internet friend at @agvnotes and agvnotes.tumblr.com.