Editor’s note: Serria Tawan graced the pages of Playboy as Miss November 2002; now the former playmate is in her 30s, recently married, and ready to dish out some love advice. She says, “I want you to win and I’m going to give it to you straight.” Read more from her at serriasays.com, and check back here each Friday for her latest Dating Advice from a Playboy Bunny post.
I have gone out with three guys twice. One I like, but I have seen him back on the dating website since our date. The second one is too sad, and the third is too broke. I feel like giving up and I just started. I must be forgetting to have “fun” and it is starting to feel like a part time job.
OK, slow down and take a breath. This is what we call a “breakdown” and you will have plenty more on your journey. When you start to feel this way, I want you to stop! Catch yourself and remember that you are doing all this to find an amazing partner. Be the person you want to be — a focused woman who doesn’t give up and handles everything with grace, humor and love — and people will gravitate toward you.
Avoid allowing exhaustion to be your motivation for entering a relationship. Finding a life partner is a serious endeavor, and it might not happen in the first three guys you date. I’d like you to get serious about dating (and enjoy it!), but you need to take your time and really get to know the person. As a matter of fact, I’m sure you can’t find out all the information you need in order to make an educated decision in two dates.
It’s common for people to feel as if the person they are dating should stop all contact with dating websites once they meet them. (It’s not right, but it’s common.) Until you are in a committed relationship, you are single and so is the other person. Commitment happens when two people verbally agree; anything less is a misunderstanding waiting to happen. For now, avoid looking your dates up on the website. He is not misleading you nor is he a bad guy because he’s still dating.
If you were looking for a job — not just a job a great career, say CFO for a company with great bonus options, a fun staff, etc. — would you expect to find that the first day you opened the newspaper? And when you start interviewing, you don’t stop going on interviews after the first two bad ones and a 3rd good one that still doesn’t result in a job offer. You keep looking!
Be patient. It takes time to find the right guy, and you just started.
The Bunny Tail (the bottom line, what you should do next):
It’s ok to casually date someone. Just be clear that you are dating until you find the person you want to settle down with. If someone doesn’t understand that, you can’t date them anyway; that’s the first sign of a control problem.