I mean, we have all been there. You think a guy is someone completely different from who they turn out to be. It is certainly a hum-fucking-dinger of a situation. The reason being, at the end of the day the sun sets on a shitty few months and you are too far gone. The worst part? You kinda like this person that you thought they were, and when it hits you, and you realize they were just a complete waste of time, it is too little too late and you are already hurt.
To avoid said occurrence in the future, I thought it might be a good (*absolutely brilliant*) idea to set out a few ground rules for those who may be venturing into the same sort of fuckboy-challenge. See a set of seven below for the ultimate guidance to help steer clear of these delightful humans.
1. Be Wary Of The Initial Pursual
The way he approaches you matters. You know how they say once a cheater always a cheater? Once a dick, always a dick. If he has dropped someone else to be with you, or he has come back and begged for your forgivness after treating you terribly (Shakespeare-worthy performance, I’m sure), he is a DICK and you should run. Don’t be surprised if he hits on your friends.
2. Be Wary Of His In-Person Character
If you have great banter with someone on any sort of digi-channel, you will know that how you feel in-person is very important. The minute you sit down with this ever so charming online personality, away from the noise, make sure you have a real conversation with the guy in front of you. If you feel you aren’t on the same level (intellectually, motivationally, mentally, to name a few) do not pursue him any longer. There is a reason he is withdrawing – it’s really that simple.
3. Be Wary Once You Have Sex
This may easily be all about sex for him. If this is the case, he will be very persistent and lovely up until he seals the deal. You will think he is one of the nicest, most attentive guys you have had the pleasure of conversing with – but once P has been in the V, he will begin to withdraw. Whether that is cancelling plans, not responding to texts, or simply not wanting to spoon you any more – you have 100% entered the fuckboy zone. Unless there is a good reason for this behavior (like, I don’t know, he is seeing someone else?) don’t have sex again, and exit quickly.
4. Be Wary If He Doesn’t Want To Venture Out In Public With You
If all he wants is to stay indoors and watch TV, that is a major warning sign. He’s busy, he doesn’t feel like going out, he has to work – he may always have an excuse, whatever. If a man isn’t proud to be seen with you in public, then he has something to hide. You are a sidepiece, and you’re better than that. [insert giant lemon-emoji]
5. Be Wary If He Moves Too Fast
Major warning sign. If he is moving way too fast in the relationship, and promising you the world, there is a reason for it. Either he is dealing with a breakup and you are a rebound, or he is one of those guys that just likes to know you are into him and invested in the idea of a relationship. It’s all about his big ego. Once he knows you’re in, he will ghost you. I hate to be brutal, but it’s better you hear it from me. If he is talking about buying a puppy, moving in together, or family vacations … Bail now. If you know this guy isn’t egocentric, bail anyway because it’s too soon and weird.
6. Be Wary Of A Fear Of Commitment
There is nothing wrong with someone not wanting to enter into a committed relationship. Everyone is at different stages of their lives, and some aren’t looking for that sort of dedication to another person right now. If you are ‘trying someone on’, though, or entertaining the idea of someone, a red flag should be drawn if the minute you look into any kind of future (apart from having scheduled sex), they shut down. This kind of fear of the future, makes way for the ultimate nail on the head fuckboy-act…
7. Be Wary As He May Be Seeing Someone Else
And that is that. Happens to the best of us. Make sure you fact-check, or at least get a little bit of background information about this person before you jump into caring too much. When all is said and done, you may feel great if he drops another girl for you to begin with, but on the second time around it’s all a judge of character.
If he has been upfront and honest about seeing other people and behaved candidly single the whole time, you need to get over it and cut your losses (circa Gigi, He’s Just Not That Into You). If he definitely has not? You are worth more than a guy who wants to play multiple people at once, while making you feel like he only wants you. My advice? Vow to never entertain the idea of sexual relations with that person again, and enjoy the superior knowledge that you dodged a bullet, baby! Boom.