Thanks to Thanksgiving, this weekend there will be more people in planes, screaming babies ruining your flights, and people in velour sweat pants with words written across the bum clutching body pillows waiting at the gate than we know what to do with. Maybe we can make flying fun again and score?
With the glamour of stewardesses in tiny uniforms, beautifully manicured airport terminals, and the allure of the Pan Am logo a distant memory, it might seem like the Mile High Club is one for the history books. But don’t give up so easily. If you’d like to bring back the retro pleasure of sex at six thousand feet, read on for advice from those daring few who have already conquered the friendly skies.
Pack a Blanket
“The mile high club has become much more difficult to pull off with security on airplanes being a priority,” says author Darren Michaels. “You are not supposed to line up outside the bathroom, so timing the entry to that tiny little bathroom is also tough. Then once you are in, it is awfully difficult to maneuver. Here is your best bet: nighttime flight with an empty row of seats.” If you’re presented with such a rare gift, all you need is a willing partner and loose clothing. “The woman I was dating at the time was wearing a skirt, and removed any, um, barriers,” continues Michaels. “We already had a blanket handy.” The covering is key. Getting busy out in the open is pretty brazen, but the blanket confers at least a little plausible deniability for flight attendants who’d rather not confront you.
“I am 6’5″ and have never joined the mile high club,” explains Chris Darrell, co-founder and Chief Creative Officer of The Fantasy Box. “To me, it would be like trying to do yoga in a dog crate. That said. I have done better. My girlfriend at the time and I were flying across country and she had purchased a toy called the ‘WeVibe.’ About an hour into the flight, she gets up and goes to the bathroom, comes back to the seat, and takes my hand and gives me something that turns out to be a little white remote control.” Naughty hijinks ensued when Chris could control the speed and intensity of his girlfriend’s vibrator. “The passenger beside us – let’s face it – either realized what was going on or thought [my girlfriend] was having some kind of stroke,” says Darrell. “After countless orgasms, I took mercy on her. The thrill of it was the control. The moral of the story? You don’t need to join the mile high club to join the mile high club.”
Timing is Key
Think about booking the red eye if you’re determined to do the deed at 30,000 feet. You’re much less likely to get caught sneaking to the bathroom with your partner or hoarding blankets if everyone around you is asleep or zoned out watching a bad comedy.
Stick with the Classics
“I joined the mile high club in my youth while flying from Guadalajara, Mexico to Lima, Peru with my Peruvian boyfriend,” says author Stella Vance. “I told him which bathroom I’d be in so he could come in five minutes later. That way no one would be suspicious. I left the door unlocked, he came in, and we did it! Not the most comfortable of places, but definitely the most exciting!” If you decide to use the airplane’s bathroom, try for the first class facilities for more space—or the ones in the very back of the plane for maximum privacy—and use a coded knock to get things started.
If you’d like assured success, consider renting a small plane and pilot for a special evening out. You don’t need know someone with a private jet to make this happen—though that would, of course, be ideal. Just make a few calls until you find a pilot with an accommodating spirit. If you’re in Michigan or Ohio there are some businesses that cater just to this fantasy.
The best time to sneak into the bathroom as a hot and bothered pair? When the flight attendants are going around with the beverage cart. Just be sure to finish quickly, before all that Diet Coke hits your co-passengers’ bladders.
Laura Schaefer is the author of Why We Fall Out of Love.
Image via Veer