Yesterday was the Royal Wedding Anniversary of HRH Prince William of Wales and HRH Catherine, The Duchess of Cambridge. (Gratuitous royal-speak, FTW.)
But, as you’re no doubt aware if you decided to click on this post, Prince Harry is still available, which means the window of opportunity hasn’t completely closed on you having a royal wedding of your own. I mean, stranger things have happened. Not much stranger, but. Stranger.
West Village tea room Tea and Sympathy, that bastion of British etiquette in dirty old New York, has printed a very helpful series for would-be American buccaneers called “How to Marry Prince Harry.”
The series is chock-full of funny/interesting tips, for example:
- Discretion: Keep your public mobile phone calls bland and brief.
- A man should stand up to greet a woman the first time he meets her but there is no need to be a jack-in-the-box – jumping up and down every time she goes to powder her nose.
- The modern British gentleman should focus on instinctive gestures rather than contrived behavior that feels outdated and oppressive. If you notice these acts are anything other than genuine kindness, he is not doing his job properly.
- It’s important to remember that chivalry does not guarantee a good catch. There may be a rascal or two out to get their hands on your trust fund, or who’ll pick up the check but will shoot at the waitress while they’re at it. Be wary of these dark knights and lechy lotharios.
Yep, yep, yep. Good points all around. (Kate Middleton is obviously aware of all this; Pippa could probably still do with a pointer or two, re: dark knights.)
Of course, we know that historically, to catch Prince Harry’s eye, it helps to:
- Be blonde.
- Be a pop singer/lingerie model.
- Have an estate in Zimbabwe.
So…work on that, too.
You know he comes to Governor’s Island in New York City once a year to play in a polo match, right?The event will be in early June, so start planning now: you’re going to need a ticket, and a killer hat.
If you’d rather hit on him on his own turf, get yourself over to London’s Mayfair and start bumming around clubs like The Arts Club and Mahiki. You’re going to need a short dress, and, I dunno, cocaine? Maybe.
And, if, on the super one in a billion trillion chance that you do A) meet Prince Harry and B) actually convince him to date you, be sure to check out our video feature, How to Date a British Boy. And be sure to learn some British dating slang, so that when he tells you he’s pissed, you know he means drunk, not mad.
And then you’re all set! Remember to invite us to the wedding.