Advice

“I Just Started Seeing Someone, But Am Leaving For Vacation. Help!”

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wish you were hereA question from the inbox:

“I’m going home tomorrow for a little R&R, and I’ll be there for 2 weeks. The minute I made these travel plans, all the boys came to the yard. Currently talking to two guys: I’ve been on a date with one, we like each other, second date tonight. The other I met online, we’re texting but haven’t made a date yet. How do I make sure I don’t lose momentum with either of them while I’m out of town?”

Good question, and one that’s pretty common during the summer months, when long-booked vacation plans can get in the way of burgeoning romances.

If you’ve just started seeing someone (aka you’ve been on a few dates), going away for a short period of time shouldn’t really affect the momentum too much, especially given that we live in the golden era of text messaging. If you’re worried about receding completely from the other person’s mind, then a text message once or twice over the course of your vacation will suffice in just keeping up the rapport until your return.

Once I went on a first date with a guy who was leaving for vacation the next day, so we made plans to see each other after he got back. A few days after the date (and into his vacation) he sent me a text photo of where he was, with the message, “Hi from California!” This digital postcard was a cute way of saying hi without being cloying: a way to say, “Hey, I’m thinking about you,” without literally saying, “Thinking of u….”

If you’ve been talking to someone online, but haven’t met in person yet, leaving for vacation is the perfect opportunity to set a date. Say, “Hey, I’m leaving town for X days, but I’m back on the 5th, and I want to hang out.” This cements your mutual interest, and gives you both something to look forward to, while alleviating the pressure of having to sustain a flirtation/each other’s interest over the course of your vacation. You already know you’re interested and that you’re going to meet in person, so you can ease up on the online flirting for a bit. Again, checking in while you’re away is fine — just a quick message to show you’re still in each other’s thoughts.

But if you’re on vacation, you’re on vacation: the last thing you should be worrying about is retaining someone’s interest. They’ll be there when you get back.

More like this:

Introducing FOBU: The Fear of Breaking Up
The Complete Guide to Googling Your Date (Or Crush. Or Ex. Or Cute Barista. Or….)
Why Friendships Are the New Marriage

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