10 “Love” Rap Lyrics That Don’t Make Any Sense

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Hip-hop artists say the darndest things, right? Please don’t take love/sex/relationship advice from them, especially not these little gems.

[From, a catalog of things said in hip-hop and rap that are ridiculous.]

1. “Excuse me miss. I’m the shit.”
Jay-Z, Excuse Me Miss Again
So polite to so conceited in less than one second.

Plus: 5 Things I Learned About Sex From Rap Music


2. “You know my tongue’s got batteries in it.”
– Ludacris, Rockin’ That Shit by The-Dream
I did NOT know this.
(…And, no it doesn’t.)

3. “Smack the bitch in the face, take her Gucci bag and the North Face off her back, jab her if she act funny.”
Notrious B.I.G., Dead Wrong
I mean, the first three things in a row are soooooooooo shitty. The fourth thing is the kicker on the whole thing and makes this the winner for all-time shittiness.

4. “Gonna leave that hoe with no dough and plenty of back pain.”
DMX, It’s All Good
Girl #1: Hey girl, don’t ever go out with DMX.
Girl #2: Why not? Is he your boyfriend?
Girl #1: No… because I started out before the date with one-hundred-ten dollars and no back pain.
Girl #2: … And after?
Girl #1: No money… and plenty of back pain. Needless to say… it sucked.

5. “Let me see your breast-icles or something, bitch.”
Kutt Calhoun, Drill Team by Tech N9ne
This is for sure a way to drive women away. Not only are you using a childish, made up synonym for the word “breasts”, you just called her a bitch too.

I actually think that David Allen-Grier has said this at some point as a joke. And then people laughed. Therefore, don’t say it seriously as a gangsta in a rap song.

Plus: 5 Things Biggie Smalls Taught Us About Love
6. “Lend me your body.”
– Diddy, Buck In Here
I mean, “borrowing a woman’s body” just seems like the most disrespectful way of saying “I would like to make love with you”.

“Baby you’re fired, your girlfriend hired. But if you don’t mind I’mma keep you on call.”
Kanye West, So Appalled
I can’t see why she wouldn’t be down with this…

8. “You a big fine horse.”
Webbie, Gimme Dat
In case you were wondering, this is something you can’t say to a chick.

9. “Is that your ass or your mama half-reindeer?”
Nelly, Shake Ya Tailfeather
Uh, good guess… but it’s her ass. When would it ever be the second thing?

Plus: 8 Ways Hip-Hop Dance Changed My Love Life
10. “Prepare your lips for the ding ding!”
AMG, Medley For a V by DJ Quick
Are you five? Do you call vaginas a “woo woo”? WTF is wrong with you?

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