Hey there Delilah!
I’m sorry you have to read this, and your person is miles away. You may not remember how their hands feel, their breath on your skin, their kiss on your lips. Your eyes may not meet, your feet don’t touch, your bodies don’t linger. IT SUCKS. My advice? Commit to the one day. Commit to one day, every day. They may be thousands of miles away, but there is a reason they are still the first thing on your mind when you wake up. Distance can mean so little when someone means so much.
No matter how far apart you may be, long-distance relationships can be devastatingly hard to navigate. As emotionally exhausting as they are, they also prove how much you are both willing to make what you have last. It’s the real deal.
According to (the ultimate romantic) author Nicholas Sparks, “the scariest thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you.” For those who have entered in or are currently battling the ups and downs of long distance, this is undeniably relatable. At the end of the day, to make long distance work is much harder than any normal relationship. It takes honesty, transparency, trust and commitment – and most of all, it takes a shitload of love!
IT’S A FUCK YES OR NO
Deciding to embark on a long distance relationship is all about timing. If you are forced to be apart from the one you love, you need to consider if you are OK with that. If you have been together for a long time you may commit to long distance. If you have only recently sparked a connection, you may put it off until the other returns to you. If you are in love, you don’t really have a choice about the whole thing, do you? Then there is that imminent grey area, in which you decide to embark on said long distance journey, mutually agreeing to “see how you go”. This is a mistake – only awkward conversations, missed calls, and drunk dialing will ensue.
Be sure to decide exactly how you feel about someone before you hit the long distance run. The way you do this, whether you are in a relationship or not, comes down to an analogy (that I constantly refer back t0) made by author Mark Manson: The Law of “Fuck Yes or No”. If someone wants to be with you, they will do anything to be with you. No matter the timing.
“The Law of ‘Fuck Yes or No’ states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them,” says Manson. “The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.”
Take this rule with a grain of long distance salt. If someone arrives in your life and knocks your socks off, but the only way it will work is long distance – follow your gut. If it’s a “Fuck Yes,” long distance is only a minor inconvenience – after all, they could be the love of your life.
MAKE A PLAN
Be transparent and honest about what you want from this relationship, and how you foresee it working. Always have a plan to look forward to together, whether that be seeing each other in-person in two weeks or two months. If you commit to trusting one another with your future, you will feel so much better when you get to the inevitable hard days.
What tends to kill long distance relationships is the underlying concern that it won’t work out. It is so different from an everyday relationship, as the longer you are apart the more uncertain you can become in your decision to be together, or (an unsurprisingly reccuring thought) your partner’s decision to be with you. Always have something locked in that you can look forward to together, or you will drown in emotional limbo.
KEEP COMMUNICATION ORGANIC
So many couples in long-distance relationships end up screaming down the phone at one another about communication. In our ever-digital-age, options are gloriously endless, and help to connect couples in many ways: Skype, Snapchat, Facebook, iMessenger, FaceTime, Instagram… the list goes on. Independently, you are navigating the world of Facebook and Instagram (aren’t we all), but try and choose one or two apps that you and your partner can use to communicate directly. This will prevent you from micro-managing a million different social platforms in an attempt to contact each other. Another option? Try Avocado – a cute social media sharing platform that is made specifically for two.
Furthermore, DON’T create rules about how often you should speak daily – keep communication easy and organic. Trying to go by a schedule and getting into arguments about who was meant to call who is unhelpful and unrealistic, you need to trust in the love and commitment at play. Look at long distance communication as a fun, experimental way to connect with each other in different ways!
LIGHT THAT FIRE
The one time you can make rules about communication is when it comes to SEX. You are millions of miles away from each other – you gotta plan that shit. Skype sex is ideal, phone sex is fun, and sexting is foreplay. Get involved, otherwise there is no way it’s going to work out. At the same time, be sure to maintain your cute quirks as a couple. Write each other love letters, leave hidden gifts, and send flowers – you gotta fuel that fire, baby!
DON’T OVER-THINK IT
When you are far away from someone you love, everything is felt ten times over. Love, attraction, sadness, most especially anger. Be open about your emotions, the good and bad. Try and be slow to anger – your emotions are heightened, and you can easily take your frustration out on each other unnecessarily. If you are frustrated with your partner, take a step back and think about what it is you are really upset about – most of the time the answer will simply be being so far apart.
It can also go the other way – you can begin to idealize the person you are in a long distance relationship with. It’s that same old story – you are so in love with the idea of the person, and the relationship, that you turn them into something they are not. Are you really in love? Or are you swept up in the romance of being apart? Again, take a step back. Whatever your scenario, judge someone by their actions, not their words. If they are willing to make the relationship work, they will make it work through the ups and the downs.
When all’s said and done, fate is fate. Can it work? Yes. It is really hard, and you will need to put in ten times the amount of effort you would in a normal relationship. Does it work? Not often – you could be the exception. If you are seriously in love, you owe it to each other to try.
P.S. Make the most of those big-screen-worthy airport reunions!