You might remember Serria Tawan from her stint as Playboy’s Miss November 2002. Now the former playmate is in her 30s, recently married, and ready to dish up some love advice. She says, “I want you to win and I’m going to give it to you straight.” Read more from her at serriasays.com.
Being single can be fun, and it can be hard. But whatever you’re feeling, there is one thing to keep in mind: most of the time we create the life that keeps us single.
Look, I’m not into foo-foo metaphysics and psychology. If you are, I apologize of course — I tend to put my foot in my mouth sometimes. But in the way metaphysicists talk about creating reality, we create our dating realities with how we deal with an ex, our mothers, our friends, our work, our pets — the list goes on and on. In order to fill the void of being single, you must feel the pain and discomfort from being single. For example, who will hustle for a job the hardest? The person who is flat broke or the person whose rent is paid for by their parents?
I met a single guy in LA, in his 40s; looks-wise I’d say he’s about a 6, makes an average income. I thought he would have been perfect for a young attorney friend of mine, who I’d say is about a 7 or 8 and as sweet as pie. I set them up, and after meeting her he told me he wasn’t interested. His ideal match is a supermodel with an MD and he said he would wait patiently because he has a group of single girlfriends that he “dates,” minus the actual sex and dating. He speaks with them everyday, does the whole dinner and a movie thing, and they even go on group vacations. He leans on them even though he is not going to find love with them.
Another friend, a beautiful woman from West Hollywood, spends every weekend with her eternal bachelor ex because she doesn’t have plans. I tell her she doesn’t have plans because she knows she can spend it with her ex.
I’ve seen some straight women surround themselves with gay guys, young hotties date their puppy, mothers date their kids, dudes date their frat brothers from undergrad. Does any of this sound familiar?
I dated my girlfriend, Monique. She was the first person I met in LA when I moved here from Chicago. We would spend every holiday together, she would be my date for Playboy Mansion parties, and we spoke all the time for about 8 years. It was only after she got engaged and pregnant that I met and married my husband. Honestly, if she hadn’t had a child, we would probably be sitting with a glass of wine on a Friday night asking where the “good” men hang out.
The Bunny Tail (The bottom line, what you should do next):
Figure out who fills your void and reduce your contact. You will go through withdrawal like the (relationship) addict you are, but once you are truly alone (and hit rock bottom), you will find motivation to find love. Then tell 5 friends and/or co-workers (especially the married ones!) that you are single and are open to introductions.