You might remember Serria Tawan from her stint as Playboy’s Miss November 2002. Now the former playmate is in her 30s, recently married, and ready to dish up some love advice. She says, “I want you to win and I’m going to give it to you straight.” Read more from her at serriasays.com, and her Date Report column Dating Advice From A Playboy Bunny.
I’m currently dating a guy who does not take any initiative. Of the eight dates we’ve been on, I have planned them all except the first. He only texts and never calls because he says he hates talking on the phone. He is a stable normal guy who is a little shy yet comfortable enough in his masculinity to be a goof ball. He has a steady job, has wonderful interests that we have in common, and he seems to like me, but there is no drive or chase in regards to me. Even when we meet on our date I drive the conversation forward because we would otherwise sit in silence.
How do I get him interested?
This guy you are dating likes you, but not for real. He likes you enough to hang out when he’s not busy.
As a single woman your only job is to find men who think you are perfect and pick one. A guy who sees you as his dream bunny will not treat you this way.
In regards to texting, that form of communication always causes confusion. But for arguments sake, let’s say that he doesn’t like to talk on the phone. If he liked you, he would simply see you more. But you are clearly the one pursuing him. This guy doesn’t want to buy what you are selling, not for real. The sad thing is that if you asked him why he doesn’t see you more, he would just make up another excuse. On a scale of 1-10, he likes you about a 4 ½ and that is not enough for you to get out of bed, or get into bed, depending on how you see it. So here are your options. You can:
a) Stop dating him, both physically and mentally. Let him go and clear your space.
b) Make him like you as much as he can and move on (or keep him). He might fall in line and he might not, but there is no harm in trying, at least no harm for you.
I like the first option, because it’s safe and almost a little predictable. Anyone reading this letter will tell you the same thing. “You can do better, find someone else.” And you can, but the second option is much more fun.
If you chose to do choose the second option, fully commit, and don’t skip any of these steps:
1. Mentally break up with him. In order for you to treat him the way he must be treated, you must be ready for him to walk away. So in your mind, he no longer exists. He’s already gone.
2. Do not initiate contact with him, at all! And when he does contact you — and he will — mimic his form of communication and then cut it short. For example if he texts you “what’s up”, you reply “Hi! Nothing ” Text twice and then let him simmer for a few hours. The goal of your communication is to get asked out.
3. Be pleasant and flirty in EVERY form of communication, especially face to face. Nothing is wrong, you have nothing negative to say. You’re kind, sweet, and agreeable, you’re just not falling all over him. You are happy to see him and that he called. Don’t bring up anything heavy. Keep it all light and fun.
4. No sex. Sex will only confuse you. Don’t go to his house or let him come to yours — always cut the date short.
5. Date more. This is the most important! Find another guy, because this one is a pill.
Whenever I share this process, women are always surprised how effective it is and they usually want to keep the guy. If he hasn’t done anything bad, you can keep him. If he’s a cheater, let him go. Yes, he will act like the dream man but he will always be a cheater and there is nothing you can do about it. Don’t even waste your time trying because you aren’t special — he will literally cheat on everyone.
I had a friend in a “relationship” with her baby daddy, an 80’s rock singer searching still for the spotlight. To his credit, he was very honest about the other women, plus his girlfriends would text her pictures in case she needed proof. She finally got fed up and wanted to end it, but first she wanted to go out with a Bang. I gave her my advice.
He started to treat her well and she loved it. She wanted to keep him. I reminded her that he’s a cheater, and that he will cheat on her again.
Even though she decided to stay with him (for now), she has smart tools to find a new guy if she wants. And she is happy. Whether I like it or not, she is in the relationship that she wants.
Men and woman are alike in that everyone who approaches might not be the ideal match. It doesn’t mean that anything is wrong, but it does usually mean that person wants someone “better.” Try to be the best you and see if he bites.
The Bunny Tail (The bottom line, what you should do next):
In regards to the conversations on dates, I’d like you to play the 30 second compliment game. Whenever you have a moment of weird silence that is more than 30 seconds, give the guy a compliment. Find reasons to touch him. You like his shirt? Feel it. Smile and look into his eyes. Try it and tell me how it works.