Like most post-grads in this economic chess game, moving back home after graduation isn’t usually the first option, but it seems to be the only plausible one. The problem though, is that you’re walking back into a lifestyle that you haven’t been accustomed to since you were *GASP in high school. While your life, and relationship, has hopefully flourished and matured, your parents might still view you as their baby boy/girl and treat you as such. And unfortunately, it’s something you will have to put up with while living under their roof.
Parents often think they have control over the whereabouts of their offspring, forever, and that dropping of the hammer effects relationships. Unfortunately, until you’re on the verge of moving out, there’s not much you can do.
Plus: 10 Life-Changing Things That Happen When You Date Your Opposite
Here are 7 things to do that will get you out of relationship trouble while living with your parents.
Compromise is key.
It takes compromise. A lot of it. Like an uncomfortable amount of it. Most mature relationships, whether it’s a friendship, a significant other or your parents, requires some give and take. If they want you home at a certain time during the week to make sure you’re not brushing your teeth while on your morning commute, then agree. But give them options, in which you make a mature decision of how you spend your nights. Have crazy weekends, but make sure you’re home during the week for a few dinners and to help around the house.
Arguing will get you nowhere.
Just because they really can’t ground you like they did in high school doesn’t mean they can’t make you feel bad. Arguing and being pissy about your situation will only dig you deeper into a hole. Instead of throwing a tantrum, sit them down and let them know what it is that’s bothering you. If you get heated and start yelling, diffusing a bomb would be simpler than trying to convince them that you’re responsible. Relax, take a few breaths and plan out your argument like the diplomat I’m sure you are.
Step it up on weekends.
A little goes a long way in relationships and if your affairs are limited to weekends-only, make them count. Get your shit together and have a good time. BUT BE RESPONSIBLE. The last thing you want to do when you’re trying to show your parents how mature you are is to call them from a holding cell asking for bail money.
Put in extra effort around the house.
Being able to whine about having to do laundry or taking out the trash ended when you accepted that diploma. You’re a college grad, put on some big-people pants, grin and bear it. You’ll probably have to do some of these chores when you’re on your own anyway, so instead of arguing, appease them. Because you sure as hell don’t want “who’s cleaning the dishes” to be a regular argument between you and your beau.
Don’t compare your situation to anyone else’s.
It didn’t work in high school and it really won’t work now. Telling your parents about how this person has their SO sleep over all the time, or stays out days on end. It won’t help your case and will probably either end up making your friends look bad or pointing out your shortcomings. Just like you really shouldn’t compare your romantic relationship to anyone else’s, this is a big fat no-no.
Rebellion will probably just make it worse.
You are not 16 anymore. Doing whatever meant rebellion to your parents isn’t going to work now that you’re bordering the real world. I think SLC Punk is a pretty good, albeit extreme, example of this. Steveo only got so far rebelling against The Man and his parents before he realized that sometimes, the real world works too. The real world is good. The real world can be your friend. The real world means big steps in relationships that will actually make you happy. Have you accepted the real world into your life?
Kissing ass couldn’t hurt.
This works on all accounts. Sucking up and being nice instead of grumpy and combative will usually work in your favor. It’ll give your parents the sense that you’re capable of COMPROMISE (that’s why it’s #1) and will give your romantic relationship a sweet spot to work from. Get your beau in on it too. I’m sure your dad will never get sick of hearing how smooth his golf swing is or how fantastic your mom’s red sauce tastes, especially from someone that they had no hand in raising.