The mythology of the piss poor, broken‐spirited working artist is a tale of yesteryear. Cities world wide are teeming with sexy, sexy artists. Think about it: wouldn’t it be brilliant to wake up next to a woman, watch her roll out of bed, light up a French brand cigarette, and paint in the nude? This is the stuff fantasies are made of!
While the probability of living out this scenario is about as likely as being punched in the face by a unicorn, the allure of the artist remains. For those who are so bold as to pursue one, here are some handy tips for the rollercoaster ride of dating an artist:
Their career comes first.
In the art world, one scrambles to make sense of a marketplace where no external rules of engagement are applicable or even considered. The chance of being a profitable artist is incredibly slim (understatement), therefore many artists spend long days in the studio producing work or out at an opening making contacts. If you expect an artist to set their career aside for one lovely night of casual chit‐chat and lightheartedness, you will be disappointed. But there are rewards in that, too — artists are ambitious and driven. And after slaving away in their studio, they will have something (most likely) beautiful to show for it.
Do you like narcissists?
Because most artists are just that. Artists are a business of one. Their product is born of their feelings and opinions. Unfortunately, the only thing less unique than an opinion is a feeling. In some ways, artists have to sell the idea that their personhood is worthy of being heard, paid for, and culturally disseminated. Narcissists, all of ‘em.
Dinner’s on you.
This point most likely doesn’t need to be expanded upon. THANKS.
Throw them around.
If not skinny, at the very least artists are lacking in muscular tone and build. Exercise tends to be a taboo and rarely do you meet an artist whose morning begins with an hour at the gym. Typically, artists are sort of soft. This goes for both male and female artists. If you like dating someone you can throw around in the bedroom a little bit, you may have met your match!
Be active in “culture”.
Artists tend to have their hands in many avenues of expression. From films to music to fashion, artist often work their magic by being across‐the‐board culture makers. Before dating one, you should probably brush up on your Godard, Marx, Duchamp and Eno (of whatever kind of art they’re into.) If you don’t know any of those names, don’t sweat it! Share with your artist partner what you are interested in — you’ll teach them a thing or two, too. Just don’t worry about them being too snobby. The best artists will go head‐to head on Marx AND wait in line to see The Dark Knight. After all, no matter how cool an artist may be, no one can fight the allure of Hollywood.