If a picture is worth 1,000 words, a well-constructed emoji stream is worth a whole novel. But how can you be sure you’re speaking the international language of Japanese pictographs fluently? We’re here to guide you, with Emoji Prescription.
Your first date with a new potential is over and you have one incoming text. You need to respond, but how? With emojis, of course.
“I had fun and want to see her again.”
This text sends her an illustration of you, happy at your desk daydreaming of her. The hands pray to lay eyes on her “again.”
“I am not sure I’m into this but I like to keep a dude on the line for self-esteem reasons.”
This is just random, and ambiguously sexual enough to send someone as a half-assed attempt at innocuous communication. It says hello but doesn’t leave you vulnerable if it’s ignored because well, it didn’t warrant much of a response in the first place.
“I’m afraid she might come to my house and kill me and I am in the process of changing my name and burning off my fingerprints.”
Feign death: “I’m actually already dead, so uh, peace out. You may wanna look for another victim – I mean, date.”
“I may have jumped the gun thinking I was ready for a rebound but I’ll drop a line when I’m ready to start dating again.”
Idioms make for fun emojis. A broken heart means “still not ready for a rebound.” The little man running + “up!” = jump and looks like an early videogame maneuver. The fishing pole is “drop a line” and the clock until thumbs up to new love means “when I’m ready to start dating again.”
“I want him to know I’m interested while still playing it cool.”
First of all, use playful pink hearts, not red love hearts. Second, this is the kissing emoji that doesn’t have squinty eyes or rosy cheeks. Sends a kiss that’s flirtatious, cool, and confident.
“He really just didn’t do it for me but I want to let him down easy.”
What says, “don’t get mad” like an apologetic smile-grimace? This clearly reads, “I just don’t think there’s a love connection here.”
“I really only see a recreational future for us.”
The mischievous devil with a crystal ball will make your intentions for the future clear. And if it doesn’t, hopefully a bunch of emoji innuendo will.