Reddit has a seriously entertaining thread going right now of stories of guys just com-plete-ly not getting the hint from girls who were, in retrospect, blatantly interested in them. It just goes to prove that even if you think you’re being embarrassingly forward, like, if-this-were-any-clearer-I-could-get-arrested forward, guys still might not get the message.
Here are some of the best tales of guys all over the world who just. Didn’t. Get it.
1. “He had been keen on this one girl who had been flirting with him for weeks, and as we all lived on res at Uni, they were always bumping into one another. Anyway, after a function we all get home very drunk and he receives a text from her complaining that she is incredibly horny and upset because the batteries in her vibrator have run out and wanted to know if he could help her. So being the genius that he is, he takes two AA batteries out of his XBOX controller, walks to her dorm, slips them under the door and yells out ‘you’re welcome.'”
2. “My ex once had a cute bubbly female friend of his come over. She was younger than him and thought he was amazing. When they were hanging out in the bathroom at his place (don’t know why), she decided then and there to take off her clothes and have a shower right in front of him. He just continued playing his guitar and tried not to look at her.”
3. “I saw a girl in a drug store and thought she was gorgeous. A female friend convinced me to walk up to her and just flat out say that I thought she was beautiful, so I did. I even prefaced it with the whole, ‘I wouldn’t ever normally do this, but I saw you and my friend over there convinced me just to come tell you how gorgeous I think you are.’ I completely expected a polite, ‘Thank you,’ and then for a girl who felt flattered to walk away smiling. Instead, she asked me my name, I told her, and she told me hers. I was unprepared for any of this, and extremely nervous, so then she asks me, ‘So, do you have any plans this weekend?’ Me: ‘Nope, not really, what about you?’ Her: ‘No, nothing at all.’ Me: ‘Uhh, okay, well, it was really nice to meet you! I just wanted to tell you that. I have to get back to work now.'”
4. “In high school I invited my first boyfriend over at 1 am, while my parents were out of town, to watch Balto. We watched the whole damn thing, he gave me a hug, and biked home.”
5. “Oblivious guy here. I called a fizzy drink ‘Soda pop.’ She said, ‘That’s so cute. If any guy ever asked me out for a soda pop I would have to say yes.’ Two years later I woke up in the middle of the night and realized she meant me.”
6. “I got that at Halloween once…Was chatting with a girl had a massive rack and I jokingly asked how much of it was the costume. She said ‘come to the bathroom and find out’ to which I replied ‘nah, it’s ok’…”
7. “We were in high school in computer class. She asked me to come over and help her, so I sat down next to her and started showing her computer stuff, then she grabs me by the wrist, presses my forearm into her boobs and says ‘mmm biceps’ and all I could think was, ‘that’s my forearm.'”
8. “A few years ago I was working at my elementary school’s annual spring fling. It was nearing noon and my shift was soon to be over when a girl my age, 17, stole the bear head right from my own head and ran away with it. I wasn’t gonna pay for a damn bear head if she didn’t return it, so I ran after her and followed her into an empty classroom with the lights off and the shudders shut tightly. She said something like ‘oh looky here, Mr. Papa Bear, I’m holding your head, I’m a bad girl.’ I was pissed she took it and wasn’t thinking, so I, being oblivious, took the head and yelled, ‘THE CHILDREN NEED ME’ and stormed out.”
9. “In high school my cousin was offered a ride home from a cute girl that he liked. He was confused when she passed his house, but he didn’t say anything. She drove for a bit and pulled into an empty, secluded parking lot. Then she looked over at him and said something along the lines of, ‘Now that we’re stopped here, is there anything you wanna do?’ He thought for a second and then said, ‘Yeah, I don’t think my door’s shut all the way.’ So he opened his door and re-shut it. The girl gave him a weird look and just drove him home. He said he literally walked into his room, sat down on his bed, and then let out a big, ‘…OHHHH!'”
10. “I’m a guy, and a friend weaseled her way over to watch a movie at my place with me. I didn’t think too much of it.We were happily watching a movie, then another. Me on my side of the couch, her on her side. After the second movie, she just looked over at me and said out loud, ‘oh fuck it.’ At that point, she literally just jumped me. And, as clever as I am, that’s the moment I realized she was interested in me… when she was on top of me removing her clothes. I’m pretty quick sometimes. Women of Reddit: sometimes you just gotta go for it, cause we’re too damn stupid to figure it out.”
Women of Reddit — and the world — take note.