I’m sure all you righties didn’t even know that, seeing as how you’ve been denying us rights and forcing us to use appliances backwards for the better part of two millenia. This year, maybe you should consider giving back to your southpawed brethren … by dating one. Next time a lefty asks you out, try to suppress your impulse to call in the witchhunt and consider we boast the following highly desirable attributes:
We’re awesome at making adjustments.
Lefty, meet righty’s world. From now on, you will be asked to perform at least half of your daily tasks with your non-dominant hand. Seriously, though: lefties have to actively adapt, problem-solve and troubleshoot everyday to get by in a world designed for righties. This skill translates well in a relationship, where compromise is fundamental to longevity.
We have a way higher instance of genius than right-handers.
Fun fact: 20% of Mensa members are left-handed, whereas lefties represent only 10% of the general populace. Dr. Oz attributes this to the fact that lefties are forced to use both sides of their brain more often. Addendum: need I remind you that the brain — not the genitalia — is the most important sexual organ of them all?
We tend to have an incredible sense of humor.
According to ABC News, lefties “are more likely to be schizophrenic, alcoholic, delinquent, dyslexic, and have Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis, as well as mental disabilities. They’re also more likely to die young and get into accidents.” An indirect consequence of that fun little tidbit is that lefties are also far more qualified to make a joke about all those things. And doesn’t who a good dyslexia joke love?!
We don’t wait as long in lines.
You’ll enjoy accompanying your left-handed sweetheart on dates to amusement parks, ski resorts, concerts, and any other venue typically associated with long wait-times. Why? Research suggests that left-handed people spend far less time standing in line than their right-handed counterparts because they tend to veer left at points of bifurcation, while righties tend to go right, making for heavier traffic.
We can hold non-dominant hands with you.
Haven’t you always wished that both you and your betrothed could have your dominant hand free while walking hand-in-hand? With a lefty at your side, you’ll be able to dribble basketballs in tandem, wield duel swords, hail cabs more effectively, hail cabs with swords … the possibilities are endless!
We’re ambidextrous by nature.
Thanks to such lefty-phobic inventions as door-handles, spiral notebooks, lecture hall desks and the Latin alphabet, we lefties are constantly strengthening the dexterity of our off-hand in ways righties could only dream of. I can think of at least one place where you won’t regret being with a partner who is equally adept with both hands (hint: it starts with bed- and ends with -room).
We make good athletes.
This one’s pretty simple. In sports — especially “interactive” sports like tennis, boxing and fencing that situate two individuals in direct competition with one another — lefties have an inherent advantage. Why? Familiarity. A lefty competes against righties around 90% of the time, while righties compete against lefties only 10% of the time. This experience lends a significant advantage to the southpaws.
Our brains should hypothetically engender a Yin/Yang kind of harmony with yours.
Though the theory has its fair share of detractors, the common belief has always been that left-handers are right-brained, and thus have stronger inherent spatial, visual and creative capacities, while righties are left-brained, and superior with rational, linguistic and analytical functions. The former tend to be “visual simultaneous” thinkers, while the latter are “linear sequential.” To me, that sounds like a fancy way of saying “we’d be good at making babies together because we bring distinct skill-sets to the table.” Take that with as many grains of salt as necessary.
Trust me, the numbers are seriously skewed on this one. Ask for a show of (left) hands next time you take a sculpting or creative writing class. Then refer to “10 Reasons to Date Someone in the Arts.”
By now, you’re probably frantically scanning your online dating matches for any sign of a left-hander. My advice would be to tie down the first lefty you find ASAP, because should you procreate with that person, genetics suggest your offspring’uns have a great chance of being left-handed as well. And Mensa-level progeny who excel at sports and the arts put their parents in the most lavish assisted-living facilities the State of Florida has to offer!