1. If we ever cheat on you, you’ll know by the red marks on our pasty Irish skin.
2. We look good in green.
3. We’re like England’s tacky friend from grade school, and we know it. (Re: what lack in class, we LACK IN CLASS. WINK. DOUBLE WINK. UNZIP.)
4. Freckles are sexy. THEY ARE.
5. Guinness. Jameson. Bailey’s.
6. See also: We have terrible memories. You can tell us the same stories over and over, and we’ll be regaled every time.
7. The Irish Car Bomb is no longer an act of violence, but a shot. Make drinks, not war.
8. Our families have crests! Isn’t that cool?! Does your family have a crest? You can borrow mine.
9. Irish dancing is actually fun to watch.
10. Irish punk music is actually effective workout music.
11. You’ll rarely find an Irish only child. This means, when you meet the parents, you probably won’t be the only significant other in the picture. Phew.
12. Thanks to Rupert Grint, being a ginger is now widely considered adorable. Just go with it.
13. Our men aren’t afraid to wear skirts.
14. On St. Patrick’s Day, we want EVERYONE to celebrate.
15. (Probably because we’re poor, and you’ll buy us a beer.) BUT STILL.
16. You can get shitcanned at a funeral.
17. You now have an excuse to visit (and play hide and seek in) a real castle.
18. Our ancestors had it kinda rough. As such, we’re not particularly judgmental.
19. Tweed flat caps. <3
20. We invented plaid. I don’t actually know if that’s true.
21. Claddagh rings will ensure you don’t make an ass of yourself by hitting on a taken person, and that no one else hits on your SO when you’re together.
22. Natural red heads are a dying breed. Do the world a favor: bone a ginger.
23. Hey, you are dating A PERSON. Congratulations, tiger!