Getting Married on 11-12-13 Is a Terrible Idea

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wedding couple doll on leaves ground with retro filter effect

Today is November 12, 2013. Before the clock strikes midnight, approximately 3,000 couples across the country will head to the altar to claim the coveted date of 11-12-13 as their wedding anniversary. I think they’re making a big mistake.

David’s Bridal reports a mind-boggling 722 percent rise in 11-12-13 weddings from the second Tuesday in November in 2012. Your friends may say they think your 11-12-13 wedding is adorable, but they’re lying. In fact, they hate you a little bit right now.

Why? Again, it’s Tuesday. Getting married on a Tuesday should be listed in the DSM-5 as a clinical warning sign of severe mental illness, or at least pathological selfishness. I know that I, a 94-year-old at heart, prefer to spend my weeknights sleeping, watching television, and sleeping with the television on. But more importantly, attending a wedding can require extensive travel and even days off from work. By marrying on a Tuesday, you couldn’t inconvenience your guests more if you tried, unless you’ve also scheduled the ceremony to begin at 3 a.m at one of the Earth’s magnetic poles (with the reception to follow at the opposite pole).

Even if you are the type of person who attaches sentimental value to interesting calendrical happenings, 11-12-13 is about as lame a series of consecutive numbers as there is. What were you doing on, say, 11-11-11? Now that would have been a legitimately great anniversary. You 11-12-13 couples totally goofed.

For reasons that remain mysterious to us, Dairy Queen will offer couples getting married today a $30 gift card to spend on an ice cream cake. I think this sums 11-12-13 weddings up perfectly: enjoy this freezer-burned rocky road sheet cake, because that’s all your ill-conceived nuptials deserve. (And may I remind you that it’s not even a cake, just a gift card for a cake.)

This isn’t to say that I don’t appreciate the importance of picking the right date for your wedding – the right date for you and your spouse, not the right date to commemorate some arbitrary numerological bullshit. Depending on your personal preferences, it’s likely you’d prefer not to host a reception outdoors in the dead of winter or sweat through your white tie attire at the height of mosquito season. I’d also suggest taking care to schedule the ceremony around major holidays and your birthdays, lest you eventually suffer the gift-receiving plight of a little kid born on Christmas.

The good news? Once we survive next year’s batch of 12-13-14 weddings – which will fall on a much more reasonable Saturday – we’ll be in the clear for a while.

Image via Veer