Aside from emailing prospective dates excel spreadsheets of all the other women you’re dating, you would think the rules of online dating would be relatively easy. Put up a good photo. Keep your conversation positive. Don’t mention the ex. But alas, there’s always someone out there who’s failed the social aptitude test. For men out there who may be wondering why they’re not getting the best responses, here are some pointers.
Don’t write canned emails
Women like to know they’re special. Don’t let the fact that you’re online prevent you from still being the chivalrous gentleman you are. Take the time to look over your potential lady’s profile and comment on something you guys have in common or something you would like to know more about.
Don’t write a book about yourself
Don’t email women with a long list of your amazing qualities and accomplishments. It smells like a cheap sales pitch. An email is for making a connection, not just regurgitating what you’ve already written on your profile. And as any psychologist will tell you, people like to hear about themselves. Women want to know what you find attractive about them, not what you find alluring about yourself.
Related: How To Stop Sucking At Girls
Don’t be cocky
If you have “The Game” bookmarked and dog-eared, this one is for you.
There’s a fine line between being confident and being cocky. Being excessively cocky just reeks of insecurity and immaturity. Do yourself a favor and stay on the confident side. Below is a real email that someone wrote to my friend, Clarissa. (FYI, “princess” is not an appropriate salutation for a grown woman you don’t know.)
HELLO THERE, YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION THATS FOR SURE. LOL . DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND REPLY TO ME BEFORE I GET SNATCHED UP”
Um, no thanks! My friend hit delete immediately.
Don’t Get Too Crazy
Showing your personality is great, but writing poems, riddles, and other assorted literary gems are over-the-top and sound like spam. Believe it or not, here’s another real email that I actually received.
Laughing Every Time I Use [dating site], Feels Like I Am Shopping On Amazon!!!
Just Hard To Get Used Too.
Guess I Am Going Out On A Limb Now But Was Wondering If I Could Spark Your Interest To Join Me For A Day At The Circus?????
Cirque Du Soleil Has Set Up Their Tents On Randall’s Island — A World Of Insects!!!
I Understand The Show Is Awesome.
I Have Not Been To The Circus For Sometime. Thought It Would Be An Interesting Way To Meet With Someone.
Let Me Know If Your Interested.
Nope! Not interested. Plus he spelled “you’re” wrong.
Don’t become a pen pal.
It’s not too hard to exchange witty email banter. But we all know that real chemistry is only felt in person. What’s the point of dragging it out with multiple thesis length emails? After three emails you should be able to suss out whether or not you want to ask someone out. If all you want are online friends, there’s Facebook. Women don’t want to like their time with a guy who can’t get it together to ask them out. Ask her out already!
Don’t insult her
This one seems like a no brainer, but alas, it’s not. If you’ve gone out with someone and you want to see them again, for the love of God, don’t be rude! Shocking but true, this is a real email from someone that I met. Not only did the guy not call or even text to follow up, he sent an obnoxious email.
You’re pretty but you seem kind of weird. You didn’t smile or laugh at all. I would go out with you again but only if you smile.
Besides being totally offensive, the douchebag who wrote this is insufferably arrogant. In reality, I just thought he was a bore with the personality of a sack of rocks and no sense of humor. What he failed to realize is that he gave me no reason to laugh or smile. And I’m about as peppy as they come.
What are your biggest online dating turnoffs? Tell us in the comments.