When you live alone, every day is a filthy gift and the only person there to unwrap it is you. You can lounge in those Delias sweatpants from 7th grade with the hole in the crotch, eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos off of your stomach all day and no one can tell you it’s “gross” or “sad.” But with great power, comes great responsibility and sometimes living alone can turn you into an anti-social, dirt monster who has no regard for human life.
1. At first you might have a hard time adjusting to your newfound freedom.
2. But then you realize that this means you can literally do whatever the fuck you want. Always.
3. No more bras!
4. You can eat all the food!
5. And crush all the beers.
6. You dance like no one is watching. Because no one is.
7. Hygiene is no longer of concern to you.
8. You can listen to Dave Matthews Band all day if you want and no one can say shit.
9. You find that you really don’t have the patience to deal with other people anymore.
10. And you become fiercely protective of your lair.
11. Soon you succumb to your basest desires.
12. And start drinking out of bowls like an animal.
13. Eventually you find yourself craving human interaction and get inordinately excited when you see a friend on the street.
14. But socializing doesn’t come as easily as it used to.
15. One day you wake up with your face in a bowl of baked ziti and realize maybe it’s time to get a roommate.
16. So let the adventure begin.