Today trend tracking website Vocativ published a “Livability Index” aimed at Millenials, trying to find the 35 best American cities for 35-and-unders, based on stats as varied as the price of weed and manicures to the amount of Laundromats and takeout places. While we highly recommend playing with the very fun website yourself, if you’re looking to date you need to know where the most single people are. The answers, well, they’re not pretty.
In terms of sheer numbers, the cities with the highest percentage of singles are Austin, Texas; Las Vegas, Nevada; and Charlotte, North Carolina. Yeah, Austin is pretty rad, but who wants to live in Charlotte?
If your perfect first date is going to a concert, head to Las Vegas, Atlanta, or Miami, which have the most music venues per capita. (Austin, which we foolishly assumed would dominate this category, comes in seventh.)
If your perfect first date takes place in a bar, the cheapest beer can be found in Virginia Beach, Columbus, and Fresno. Probably because literally nothing else can be found in those places.
If you’re more of a pothead than a boozehound, Portland, Seattle, and San Francisco have the cheapest rates for an ounce of the good stuff. (Note: not a single East Coast city appears in the top 10 of this category.)
If you’re an internet dater, the cheapest broadband is in Virginia Beach, San Jose, and Las Vegas. This gives Virginia Beach the dubious distinction of being the best city in which to get drunk and send weird dating site messages to the really hot people you wouldn’t have the courage to message sober.
If you prefer the time-honored strategy of asking that babe if you can bum a cigarette, Louisville, Tulsa and Oklahoma City have the cheapest packs of cigarettes. Not that you’re going to be buying them.
Based on my highly scientific analysis of the above data, the best city in which to be a young single is Las Vegas, featured in three categories. Other upsides to Vegas: drinking in public and a constant influx of tourists that, while probably annoying, also probably all really want to get laid. Downsides to Vegas: way too easy to get impulsively married to that person you’ve been dating for two months and are completely in love with.
Vocativ names Portland the best city for Millennials, but they forgot that Millenials are all spoiled and fragile and therefore cannot tolerate trials such as constant rain. Portland also ranks 34th in number of young singles, so you’ll be surrounded by awesome restaurants but have no one to take out to dinner. That is not our idea of quality of life. Vegas it is!
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