6 Ways To Break Up Like A Celebrity

Pin it

Breaking up is, for lack of a better word, hard. But it doesn’t have to be. At least it doesn’t have to be nearly as hard as some people make it with the questionable wardrobe choices, mopey Facebook status updates and drunk dialing adventures. I don’t personally think celebrities should be considered role models, but I must admit they know how to break up in style; I mean seriously when’s the last time you aired your dirty laundry and people looked on in awe? I bet the answer to that is a big fat never because no matter how cute your skivvies are, when they’re clean covered in the skid marks of heart break (and possibly shots of Hennessy) they’re less then appealing. ANYWAY here are 6 steps to handling a break-up like a celebrity, which I’m sure has to be way better then attempting to bury yourself under a mountain of Cheeto dust.


Immediately date someone else. Bonus points if it’s someone hotter.

Okay so I don’t watch sports. Ever. But even I know that a rebound is thrilling. Why? Because it comes after a shot is missed. This is part of what makes rebound dating so hot as well, just when you’re feeling all kinds of unlovable you instantly have someone else to canoodle with. Celebrities get trashed pretty bad for this (I have one word for you: “Bragelina”) but as semi-slutty as it may seems, finding someone new when you’d otherwise be feeling all icky and vulnerable can help to put you in a better emotional place because rather than sulking in Ugg boots and sweats (which are never ever cute by the way) you’re instead bringing your own sexy back and sharing your awesomeness with someone else.



Go on tour.

Or at the very least get out of bed, stop squeezing Mr. Snugglepuss to death and go out into the world. Consider that while Katy Perry was going through a divorce that she was still front and center in world, promoting a movie and on a world tour. I don’t know her (would you really trust me more if I did, anyway?) but I do know what it’s like to break up with someone who you feel is going to be your happily ever after and it’s so much easier to hide out. Screw that and hit the town instead.


Write a song about it. (Or a whole damn album.)

“You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morrisette is perhaps one of the most biting break-up songs ever written.  Alanis makes it very clear that she’s not quite over things. But she’s letting it out in a constructive way. Instead of slashing his tires or making out with his best friend (neither of which I’d advocate even though I’m guilty of the latter). Sometimes you need to just say all the mean/sad/crazy stuff you’re thinking and there’s no reason it shouldn’t be set to music for other people to enjoy.


Write a book

Okay so Rielle Hunter (John Edwards former mistress) isn’t technically a celebrity, but she did write a tell all book about her relationship, and as far as I’m concerned that means you can do it too. Chances are good though that you have far more important things to do (like making out with Mr. or Ms. Right Now as per the first tip) so feel free to blog or Tweet or tumble about it instead.


Give interviews.

EVERYONE wants to dish when a celeb couple breaks up, you may be lucky if you can get your best friend on the phone for 5 minutes. But if you can, and if they ask about the break up. SPILL IT! Seriously and make it good because I’m only giving you once chance. The same way you get sick of reality t.v. reruns when you already know who slept with who and who threw what your friends are going to get sick of hearing your sob story, so let it out like you’re giving Barbara Walters herself the exclusive and move the heck on.


Change your look.

Notice how after Britney broke up with “K-Fraud” she got super hot again? It was totally intentional. A break up is a great time to experiment in a good way with your look. Head to the gym or get some amazing extensions or just treat yourself to a mani-pedi. It’s kinda cliche but if you look good you do tend to feel better.

On a final note, it’s a called a break up because something about the situation (not someone) is broken and super glue can’t fix stuff like that. So look forward and be fabulous while you do it!