How Do You Know If You’ll Ever “Click” With Someone As Much As You Did With Your Ex?by Nikki Metzgar on July 12, 2012
Editor’s note: Catch up on Nikki’s previous Dating Diaries posts here.
The reason that I have had such incredible difficulty getting over my last boyfriend is because I think we shared rare and powerful chemistry. I don’t want to use the word “magic,” because I’m not five years old or David Blaine, but sometimes it feels like the most approximate word for the way we just clicked.
The stupid, absurd things I think are funny that no one else on Facebook or Twitter find amusing — he thinks they’re funny too. All my opinions about sexism, politics, religion and movies (finally, someone hated The Hangover and Midnight in Paris as much as I do!) he shares, too. To put it in very oversimplified terms, he felt like the male me plus a lot of interesting add-ons that made it so fun to have conversation. Dating felt like putting puzzle pieces together. It was so easy, so validating and in some ways surprising to be totally in sync with someone.
My best friend in the whole world is a 6’3”, 350-pound man whom I’ve known for 8 years. We get along amazingly well. We’re both super into big birthday celebrations and eating Thai food and yet we do not have this click. I’ve only experienced this specific click feeling once in my life even though I’ve long-term dated and loved other men.
My best friend has also experienced the special click with one other person, but he hasn’t dated her. His click-person lives in Portland and he sees her when he visits another friend from college. They’re the only ones at the table to catch the same, obscure movie quotes and share the same political opinions. They have a great, inexplicable, almost magical chemistry.
Another friend of mine had her click-person back in college. Her relationship with that boyfriend was so tumultuous and torrid, that it flamed out before a year was up. She also described them as being so alike and so connected, but now she’s moved on to a serious relationship with a different man she loves who she doesn’t share that unique similarity with, but with whom she has a more stable situation. She advises me that this “click” isn’t indicative of a good relationship and to let it go.
Now that I know this chemistry exists, what I want to know is whether it will happen again. I’m not asking if I’ll ever fall in love again, because I’m sure I could. And don’t mistake me for believing in soulmates — as in we were “made for each other” — that’s not what I mean.
It’s just that the world is big and statistically speaking it might be questionable that I ever meet another person who is so perfectly suited to me. I’ve only known people who’ve never experienced the click or had it once. It would be good for my plans for my future to know if I can count on this happening again. Maybe I won’t sweat losing the old boyfriend so much if I know other people like him exist.
Or maybe you’re older and more experienced and can say whether this click even matters. Is my friend in the non-clicky but solid relationship right? Should I stop holding out hope for another male me? It took a while for me to feel comfortable even admitting to having these thoughts about something that is generally perceived as a romantic cliché. I could be less cynical than I thought, or more delusional. You’ll let me know if I come too close to being source material for a Lifetime movie, right?