“My Ex-Boyfriend Had 27 Shark Tattoos”by Chiara Atik on August 06, 2013
This is a new series we’re doing on interesting/crazy/bizarre/hilarious people we’ve dated. Got an especially fascinating ex story? Email us! firstname.lastname@example.org.
Ex-Boyfriend: “The Shark Guy”
Length of Relationship: 2 years
The First Date
“Our first date was to an aquarium. He was more interested in talking to the sharks than talking to me. But it was really interesting. His demeanor completely changed once he got to the actual shark tank. He was like, a completely different person.”
“I could listen to him talk about shark facts and weird awkward things about what the shark reproductive organs are, and why the sharks have scars on them, like, stupid facts that he was so proud to know. It’s not because of the sharks it was more of like, someone being interested in something.”
He has 27 sharks tattooed on his body.
“When we first started dating 2 years ago he had maybe 10 or 11. Once he started he couldn’t really stop. They’re all over. He’s actually pretty covered in tattoos. He has non-shark tattoos but I’d say like, 80% of his tattoos are either sharks or ocean themed. His left arm from mid-bicep down is pretty much all sharks. He has like a full shin-piece of vintage print from an oceanography book of like, sailors in the water and these sharks like attacking him. He has a giant shark jaw outline and in the middle of them is ships with like sharks in the water and it takes up like all of his chest. His tattoo artist would send him cool pictures of sharks that he’d found and was like, ‘Let me tattoo this on you.’
His Favorite Movie
“Jaws. I’ve seen it more in the two years that I was dating him than before even knowing him. Every time it’s on we watch it. He’s read it I can’t tell you how many times, it’s his favorite book, too.”
The Downsides of Dating Someone Who Is Obsessed With Sharks
“I think the only time that it became an annoyance was when he chose to use shark metaphors instead of actually talking. He used that quote from that Woody Allen movie, ‘Relationships are like sharks, if they ever stop moving they’ll die,’ he used that, like, twice in like a fight and it got me really mad. I think there was once when we were in a huge fight and he texted me this long thing about how he’s just going with the ebbs and flows of the ocean.”
Advice For His Future Girlfriends
“Be open to going to a lot of aquariums, watching a lot of shark documentaries, and knowing that a shark penis is called a ‘clasper’”
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