Class Acts

New Breakup Trend? Non-Gwyneth Woman Sends Out “Conscious Uncoupling” Press Release

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When “Heather” (not her real name) broke up with her boyfriend yet again last week, she knew this split was officially the end. Being a 31-year-old woman, this wasn’t her first time at the breakup rodeo.

“The last couple times were truly emotional and sad. I would go to events and I couldn’t enjoy them. This time I was like okay, I don’t want to put my friends through that. I just want to be like, ‘Okay it’s done, moving on, let’s resume our normal lives,’” Heather says.

So in lieu of sitting around the house weeping about her relationship’s demise, Heather decided to be proactive, and sent out a press release to a couple of friends.

“I wrote it this morning,” she tells us while on her lunch break. “That was actually the first press release I’ve ever written. I got a template on and followed directions and entered my own snarky comments.”

While there were many reasons for the couple’s split, one cause of friction was the fact that her boyfriend was allergic to cats, which was a bit of a challenge since she’s a cat owner.

“If you’re allergic to cats and you can’t come to my place, and we can’t cohabitate, what is this is all about? I don’t care if you think my cats are assholes, just don’t be allergic to them,” said Heather. “I am not a cat lady. But I have animals and they’re important to me, and I should have known when it became an issue that he couldn’t stay at my place, that that was a domino effect of things going wrong. There were a lot of reasons we broke up.”

But despite those leftover feelings, Heather says her goal in writing the release was simply to show that she’s moving on in life.

“I think having quite a bit of experience in this, everybody is tired of bullshit,” said Heather. “They don’t want to go through the whole ‘watching The Notebook with your girlfriends’ thing. You just want to say okay, this was a year and a half of my life and now I’m moving on. I’ve got other things to do.”

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