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The 15 Stages of Getting Over a Breakup

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SelenaCry

Conventional Cosmo-style wisdom says it takes half the length of your relationship to get over someone. Your heart may feel like it’s being stabbed repeatedly but we’ve all been there. Here are all the mood swing stages you can look forward to, they’re not all bad.

1. At first you’re all like, “I’m freeeeeee!”

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2. Then whiskey grief sets in.

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3. Self-pity takes over.

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4. You purposely say no to social plans because they might be there.

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5. But then you find out your ex is already in another relationship!

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6. So you just sit in the dark, alone, cuddling a bottle of wine.

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7. Then the rebirth begins and you proclaim, “It was all their fault!”

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8. You start making up for lost time and #IDGAF becomes your motto.

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9. You’re so over your ex and just to prove it you defriend, unfollow, and block them on social media.

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10. After a few months you tell your parents it’s time to remove group photos with your ex in them. It’s over, Mom and Dad.

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11. But then you bump into them for the first time since the breakup.

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12. Ex sex is the next logical step.

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13. Which inevitably leads to the “do we get back together?” conversation.

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14. After you break up again, it’s time to begin the retrieval process and you’re all like, “Yo, I know it’s been two years but can I get my speakers back?”

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15. Finally, you wish them the best and only want them to be happy, really.

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