Editor’s note:Have a dating question you’d like Chiara to tackle? Email thedatereport at howaboutwe.com, and check out her previous Pop Quiz posts here.
Pop Quiz: You go on a date with a girl, she’s perfectly nice, but a little intense. She gives you two (!) blowjobs on your first date, but you’re dating other people that you like better, and have a feeling this girl is looking for something serious, so you decide not to see her again. She texts you to see if you want to grab drinks after work.
A) Ignore the text.
B) Text her that while you had a great time together, you don’t think the two of you have a romantic future together.
C) Agree to meet up with her for drinks to tell her in person that you’re not into it.
I can see how this would be a tricky question! We’re conditioned to think that ignoring people, especially people who give us blow jobs, is rude. (True.) Brushing someone off via text seems a little harsh. So the obvious answer is to agree to get drinks and break things off in person, right?
If a girl likes you, and you have a first date that involves blow jobs, and she asks you out for drinks, she is obviously going to be under the impression that you reciprocate her affection. She is not going to be thinking “hmm, maybe he’s going to meet up with me to tell me it’s actually not going to work out.” She is going to wear her sexiest outfit and rush home from work so that she can blow dry her hair and reapply her makeup. And even if you tell her, 3 drinks in, that you’re actually not so interested, she’s not going to believe you. She’s going to think you’re having doubts or some kind of a weird hangup, but obviously you’re into her on some level, because why else would the first date have progressed onto blowjobs? And why the hell else would you have said yes to after-work drinks if you were only planning on breaking things off, even though you’ve only gone on one date? Who does that?!
So, no, meeting someone in person in order to end things is not the wisest choice, as XOJane’s anonymous sex blogger found out. Let’s just say the girl didn’t get the point, and the rather harrowing evening ended with the world’s least deserved blow job, after which he kicked the girl out and bolted the door.
Was a blowjob worth all that stress, dude? “Uh, sort of, yeah,” I’m sure he’d say.
As harsh as it sounds, a fade-out is absolutely acceptable when you’ve only gone out with someone once! An honest, to-the-point text message is better. But meeting them in person just prolongs the awkward, painful process for both of you.