Shia LeBeouf, America’s least explicable leading man, stars as Jerôme in Lars Von Trier’s upcoming five-hour, two-part erotic drama Nymphomaniac (or NYMPH()MANIAC, if you’re a stickler for stylized vaginal parentheses). The Beef recently revealed that, early in the casting process, the film’s production staff requested photographs of his penis. He quickly obliged.
As a mysteriously toothless Shia explains in a new promotional interview: “I guess the first test was, ‘Let’s time how long it takes this motherfucker to send his dick over the internet.’ It was like 20 minutes. They were like, ‘All right, kid’s ready.'”
No wonder he got the part – if Shia LeBeouf started sending me dick pics, I would do everything in my power to make him stop.