Ryan Gosling, what’s your deal? In addition to being an incredibly talented performer, peaceful mediator of street fights, and heroic savior of confused pedestrians – to quote the timeless words of Emma Stone’s character in Crazy, Stupid, Love – it’s like you’re Photoshopped.
But speaking of “Photoshopped,” the true nature of your apparent physical perfection has recently been called into question. Beauty blogger Michelle Villett claims that you, the man who is undeniably Rachel McAdams’ soulmate, have undergone plastic surgery. She argues that your nose appears noticeably different today than it did during your teenage stint on The Mickey Mouse Club in the mid-nineties.
First of all: Who cares? Second of all: Seriously, who cares?
For one thing, there’s nothing inherently shameful about getting work done. Maybe, in a perfect world, everyone would be 100 percent content with their appearance as is, but I’m pretty sure there’s an amendment that specifically grants you the right to do whatever you want to your face and body without anyone throwing shade at you. What is a little bit shameful is our cultural obsession with celebrity plastic surgery, of which Heidi Montag and Joan Rivers are the most frequently mocked patron saints.
Yes, celebs are held to unrealistic standards of beauty – for many, looking youthful and appealing and screen-ready is literally part of their job description – which are in turn problematically osmosed via our TVs and movie screens and magazine covers to society as a whole. But when we ghoulishly revel in rumors of rhinoplasties, facelifts and injections, we become part of the problem. (In the interest of full disclosure, I regularly, guiltily Google celebrities without makeup. I know you will forgive me, Ryan, because your heart is full and endless.)
But here, if anything, is what’s interesting about Villett’s claim: Ryan Gosling, you have a penis.
Again, it’s the Heidis and the Joans of this world who take the most abuse for their altered appearances. It’s a small, strange victory to see a male celebrity held subject to the same ridiculous scrutiny as his female counterparts, if only because it might serve to underscore just how ridiculous this is in the first place.
That’s not to say that harping on the cosmetic procedures of men as well as women will fix anything – we should stop talking shit altogether. How does that sound, Ryan?
Glad we’re in agreement here. See, I knew we’d have a lot in common.